In recent discussions, fashion designers like Marco and Lilly have described babies conceived through IVF for same-sex couples as “synthetic.” While they may not be authorities on reproductive health, we can outline some humorous characteristics that may help distinguish synthetic children from their naturally conceived counterparts:
- Controlled Sleep Patterns: Synthetic children are known for their ability to sleep on cue. With just a gentle gesture, they remain in their beds until the alarm goes off. In contrast, real children often insist on needing one more sip of water or another story, leading to late-night returns to parental beds.
- Lack of Bodily Fluids: Children typically produce a variety of bodily fluids, from spit-up to snot. A real achievement is when no messes appear in the bedroom. Synthetic children, however, will not produce any of these fluids.
- Preference for Healthy Foods: A simple test for identifying a synthetic child involves presenting them with raw broccoli or other cruciferous vegetables. They will eagerly consume these foods and ask for more, unlike real children who might turn up their noses or request ketchup as a condiment.
- No Messy Play: Real children often create chaos with toys scattered across the house and may even leave permanent marks on furniture. Synthetic children, on the other hand, engage in quiet play with educational toys, returning everything to its designated location once they are done.
- Exemplary Behavior: Synthetic children do not throw tantrums in public spaces. They accept parental decisions without complaint and prioritize safety, even reminding parents to secure their car seats.
- Enthusiastic About Dental Hygiene: Synthetic children have a genuine love for brushing and flossing their teeth, often asking for the last time they performed these rituals. They are unlikely to use floss for anything other than its intended purpose.
If a child does not meet all these criteria, it is safe to conclude that they are a “real” child. It is also worth noting that inquiries into the conception methods of others—whether IVF, surrogacy, or any other means—are often irrelevant and may distract from the joys and challenges of parenting. For more insights into fertility and conception, consider reading about fertility boosters for men or explore fertility supplements for further information. Additionally, for a comprehensive understanding of in vitro fertilization, refer to this excellent resource.
In summary, while the concept of synthetic children offers a humorous lens through which to view parenting, the reality is that all children—no matter their method of conception—come with their unique challenges and joys.
Keyphrase: Identifying Synthetic Children
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]