Updated: December 26, 2015
Originally Published: March 19, 2015
Growing up in a small town in West Virginia, boarding school seemed like the only way to access the quality of education that children from affluent areas, such as Greenwich or the Upper East Side, typically enjoy. My mother, who was acutely aware of the disparities in income during the 1980s, believed that a prestigious college education was my ticket to a stable middle-class life. She worried that the local high school lacked the rigorous college preparatory courses and well-connected admissions counselors that are vital for a successful college application process. Thus, I packed my bags, filled with handmade clothes from my mother and grandmother, crafted from vintage Vogue patterns they considered “preppy.”
However, I quickly realized that my grandmother’s fashion sense did not align with the styles of my wealthy New England classmates. My plaid skirts and knee-high socks stood out in a sea of Laura Ashley dresses and colorful Indian-print tees. When I called home, pleading for new clothes, it was clear that was not an option; we had barely managed to assemble my initial wardrobe. Consequently, I made do with what I had and navigated a challenging first year, feeling isolated and different.
Despite these challenges, the experience was beneficial. It exposed me to a community that was vastly different from my upbringing, helping me adapt to life on the Upper East Side while also coming to terms with being an outsider. Boarding school served as a unique lens through which I observed a world that wields significant influence over the country’s wealth and politics, offering insights into America’s class system that staying in my homogeneous hometown would never have granted me. This experience heightened my awareness of both my own privileges and those of others.
Friendships formed during that time have endured over the years, and I eventually attended a prestigious college on a full scholarship—an opportunity I might not have had if I had stayed in my hometown.
However, when it comes to my own children, I am resolutely opposed to sending them away to boarding school. My mother aimed to improve our family’s circumstances, akin to families in history who sought new beginnings in foreign lands. While I accepted the hardships of my journey, I believe that if equivalent educational opportunities exist nearby, my boys should remain at home. Adolescents require parental guidance and support; they need daily interactions with their mom and dad to navigate the complexities of growing up. A nurturing home environment should provide solace amid the turmoil of teenage life.
Moreover, they need to learn essential life skills—such as cooking, budgeting, and household management—that I lacked due to my boarding school experience. I often find myself relying on online resources for these lessons, as many young people who receive more parental support likely did not have to figure these things out alone.
On a more personal note, I am simply not ready to part with my children four years earlier than necessary. My husband, who lived at home until graduate school, cannot fathom the idea of boarding school. He often questions the hefty price tag associated with it, jokingly asking if we would pay that much just for them to be influenced by elite peers. Additionally, he is wary of the values that might be instilled in children attending private schools. In response, I remind him that no high school is devoid of its challenges and difficult students.
Our primary concern remains that in today’s educational landscape, a quality education often seems to be reserved for the wealthy or those closely associated with them, and we do not fall into either category. This reality may require us to explore alternative options.
Indeed, homeschooling could be a viable path for us.
This article was originally published on March 19, 2015.
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