By: Jamie Thompson
Dear Children,
It has come to my attention that at least one of you reaches out each week requesting an early pickup from school. The reasons you provide range from minor discomforts to simple aversions to the day’s events. While I have previously outlined the criteria for an early dismissal, it seems there remains some confusion.
To clarify, here’s a concise guide detailing the acceptable reasons for an early pickup. Please take note.
- Severe Blood Loss – If you are experiencing a truly catastrophic amount of blood loss, then yes, call me. If a few band-aids suffice, do not even think about dialing my number. You should be in an ambulance for me to come to your rescue.
- Serious Cuts – Not just any cut will suffice; you must be impaled by an object that remains lodged in your body. A pencil does not meet this criterion. If the object is wider than your fist, then give me a call.
- Vomiting – You need to be covered in vomit or have made a mess in front of a supervising adult for me to consider an early pickup. Please remember that I have advised you to use the toilet for such incidents.
- Headaches – The only reason I would come to get you for a headache is if your head is literally split in two or if something is visibly penetrating your skull.
- Injuries – Any complaints about minor aches or pains will not warrant a call. I will only respond to a situation where a bone protrudes through the skin.
- Earaches – Absolutely not.
- Forgotten Lunch – You will have to manage with what is available at school. I will not be delivering lunch or any other forgotten items.
- Stomach Aches – I will not come pick you up for mild tummy troubles. If you are not visibly ill (e.g., a fever), you are expected to stay at school.
- Sore Throat – A sore throat does not justify leaving school. You can have some water and return to your class.
- Insect Bites – The only time I will respond to a bug bite is if you are experiencing severe swelling. Minor itchiness is something you will have to tolerate.
I want to remind you that during your school hours, I am engaged in various activities (such as napping, catching up on social media, or watching television), and I cannot accommodate requests for early pickups based on boredom. Enjoy your time at school. I’ll see you at the designated pickup time.
Best,
Mom
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Summary
This guide explains the only valid reasons for early school dismissal, emphasizing the severity of conditions required for a pickup. Minor ailments or personal preferences do not qualify.
Keyphrase: Justifiable Reasons for Early School Dismissal
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