Dear Observers at Costco,
As you witnessed our family maneuvering through the bustling parking lot, you may have marveled at our ability to fit our 15-passenger van into a compact space between a sleek sports car and a tiny, boxy vehicle. You likely took note of our efforts to unload our seven children and three shopping carts, a process that took an impressively long 23 minutes.
I can only imagine your thoughts as one child, donning mismatched footwear—an open-toed sandal on one foot and a duct-taped rubber boot on the other—made his way towards the entrance. Another child was clad in pajama pants that were far too short, accompanied by a faded T-shirt featuring a beloved cartoon character, simply because he refuses to get dressed with his eyes open.
Our toddler was dressed for a luxurious yacht outing, while another child appeared ready for a ski adventure. The child in the cart, crying not out of disdain for Costco, but because he was not permitted to shop in the nude, added to the spectacle.
You may have felt a mix of horror and confusion as you observed our lively crew. “Why do they have SEVEN kids?” you wondered. Allow me to clarify that the number seven is not excessive. If I told you I owned seven fish or pairs of shoes, you would likely respond with indifference. Yet, the revelation of my seven children seemed to elicit the same shock as if I had suggested performing an outrageous stunt.
Once we passed the entrance, we navigated through the store, filling our carts while sampling every available food item. You might have cringed as you watched our tall teenager devour a staggering number of bite-sized portions, a behavior that can be attributed to his insatiable appetite. This very child is the reason we maintain our Costco membership, prompting an upgrade after a cashier noted our spending habits. At home, he is humorously referred to as “The Very Hungry Teenager,” capable of consuming an entire meal followed by a lengthy list of additional snacks.
Our family has grown accustomed to the reactions of fellow shoppers who, with their carts filled with frozen dinners and snacks, observe us with both curiosity and disbelief. As someone who enjoys addressing the inquiries of complete strangers, I’ve compiled a list of frequently asked questions for your reference, ensuring that you are well-prepared should you encounter us again.
Frequently Asked Questions
- Q: Is that your last baby?
A: For this year, yes. - Q: Why do you have so many children?
A: To improve our chances of a comfortable nursing home. - Q: Do all of your kids have the same father?
A: So far… - Q: What’s your monthly food bill?
A: How much is your mortgage? - Q: How will you pay for their college tuition?
A: Thank you for believing my children could gain admission to any institution that doesn’t involve clowns or animals. - Q: Is it loud at home?
A: Could you repeat that? - Q: Are you trying to emulate that family with nineteen kids?
A: Yes, because seven is just a stone’s throw from nineteen. - Q: Why is that child undressing?
A: Don’t worry; he’ll stop when he realizes we are shopping for mustard.
Reflecting on our shopping experiences, I’m sure you have subconsciously erased the chaos that unfolded in the checkout lane. It involved a flailing sibling, runaway oranges, a dramatic tantrum, and a flying churro. After receiving approval from the cashier, we embarked on our journey back to the van, much to your silent relief.
As I sip my coffee, I relish the thought of our weekly Costco escapades. You are always welcome to join us on our next shopping trip. We enjoy meeting new friends. Just be prepared to push a cart and dress appropriately—preferably in yacht attire or sleepwear.
If you’re interested in exploring topics related to family planning and home insemination, I suggest checking out this post about an at-home insemination kit and consider the BabyMaker home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo as well. For a deeper understanding of the processes involved, you may also find this resource on in vitro fertilisation quite informative.
In summary, navigating the world as a large family can be filled with humorous encounters and curious onlookers. We embrace the chaos and welcome the opportunity to connect with others while sharing our unique experiences.
Keyphrase: family dynamics at Costco
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]