As I strolled through the heart of campus on a warm Saturday afternoon in late October, I found myself contemplating the idea of attending a kegger. It was around 4 PM, and fraternity brothers were celebrating the end of Spring Fling weekend with kegs of beer outside their houses. Keg beer has always appealed to me; it carries a distinct flavor, reminiscent of beer that has been carelessly poured and hastily collected.
Clusters of young men were gathered nearby—jocks, nerds, and party boys alike. There were attractive individuals dressed in button-down shirts and even more appealing ones clad in casual tees and unbuttoned flannels, which I find quite appealing. So, yes, the thought of stopping by for a drink—and perhaps more—crossed my mind.
However, there loomed a significant obstacle: I could easily be old enough to be one of these young men’s mothers. While I am not, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility. In fact, considering I was a late bloomer, I was still a virgin when many of these boys were conceived. The reality is, I am technically in the age bracket to have a child of that age.
Later, while discussing this idea with a friend, she too became fixated on what I dubbed the “mother-son differential.” We questioned why many men don’t seem deterred by the same biological implications. Perhaps it’s because men don’t give birth to the young women in bars who are the same age as their daughters, while women might feel a certain connection to the young men they find attractive. It’s easy to see how such thoughts could be unsettling.
Strangely enough, that wasn’t what ultimately held me back. At that moment, I didn’t feel like anyone’s mother; I felt an urge to share a beer with an attractive young man. Though I am indeed the mother of two, for the sake of this reflection, let’s assume I’m child-free or that my kids have been sent away to a quieter life on a farm.
The deal breaker, however, was my uncertainty about blending in. I certainly don’t look 19. To protect my privacy, I won’t disclose my actual age, especially since I hope to return to campus for future events. Let’s just say that I have noticeable eye wrinkles, dark circles that don’t fully disappear even with makeup, and the beginnings of forehead lines. My chin’s skin isn’t what it used to be either. On the brighter side, my outfit was appropriate—jeans, a trendy untucked shirt, a leather jacket, and a backpack. Thankfully, I owe my lack of gray hair to Clairol, and my family is known for appearing younger than we really are. Perhaps there was a chance of passing for younger, I like to think so.
For the record, I wasn’t merely loitering on campus; I was there to participate in a panel discussion about nonfiction writing. However, I arrived early and decided to take a stroll.
Looking back, I realize that I may need to reconsider my notion of a “free pass.” Currently, I have a free pass for Eddie Vedder—or perhaps Clive Owen. I alternate between the two. If either were to invite me back to their hotel room, I might, based on a prior agreement with my spouse, accept, and our marriage would likely remain unscathed. In fact, it might even benefit from the experience. Who wouldn’t want to say they had an encounter with someone who has been with Eddie Vedder or Clive Owen? Yet, I now ponder if my free pass should instead be a fraternity boy in a flannel shirt at 5:30 PM during Homecoming. The scene I envision involves an unmade futon, Warren Zevon playing softly, and a sweatband on the doorknob signaling his roommate to stay away. It seems far more plausible than a celebrity encounter, especially since there are colleges everywhere.
So, there I stood on fraternity row, having an epiphany. I began to understand why men often pursue partners significantly younger than themselves. It’s not necessarily that these younger individuals make them feel youthful; rather, they already feel young. The desire to connect with someone has been ingrained since adolescence, and that urge doesn’t vanish with age.
When a middle-aged man sees a young woman in a bar, he doesn’t think, “I’m twice her age.” Instead, he feels that youthful desire reignite, coupled with the confidence that comes from maturity and life experience. Your libido may align with that of a teenager, but your self-assuredness is likely rooted in your 40s.
In essence, your age is defined by how you perceive yourself when you’re not focused on the number. When faced with something reminiscent of our youth, we often experience a blend of nostalgia and hope. We long to relive the thrilling, sometimes painful, desires of youth. One of my guilty pleasures is driving around town with my husband, pretending he is the high school sweetheart I never had. I also enjoy binge-watching shows like My So-Called Life or Friday Night Lights, which perfectly capture the intensity of teenage longing. Their portrayal of adult desire may also resonate, but I’m too engrossed in the teenage narratives to notice.
This reflection does not indicate that I yearn for an affair with a younger man, such as the goalie from my alma mater’s lacrosse team. It was simply a thought that crossed my mind as I considered crashing a kegger.
For those contemplating similar scenarios, it’s essential to understand the dynamics of attraction and desire at different life stages. If you are interested in learning more about family planning or home insemination, resources like Make a Mom and March of Dimes can provide valuable information.
In summary, the journey through desire and attraction is complex, particularly as we navigate the perceptions of age and youth. Whether it involves contemplating a night out at a kegger or reflecting on the past, it’s a reminder of the youthful spirit that remains within us.
Keyphrase: kegger reflections
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]