As the school year begins, I find it imperative to discuss bullying with our children. It’s crucial for them to understand what bullying is and, equally important, that they should not become bullies themselves. This conversation is particularly relevant for our children, as they are on the autism spectrum and often have difficulty interpreting social cues. They might not recognize sarcasm or meanness, which can leave them vulnerable to mistreatment.
The challenge arises when determining when to intervene as a parent. At what point should we step in to help our children defend themselves, and when should we allow them to handle situations independently? This is a delicate balance that all parents must navigate as their kids grow up.
Two years ago, when our eldest first encountered bullying, we addressed the issue with the school, held the bully accountable, and hoped for a resolution. However, we were aware that this was likely not an isolated incident. My partner and I discussed how to effectively support our children without constantly needing to advocate for them.
Unfortunately, last year, the same child who had previously bullied our oldest began targeting him again. This left me feeling furious. Our sensitive child was crying himself to sleep over the actions of one thoughtless individual. I found myself grappling with how to encourage resilience while also teaching him to stand up for himself without resorting to bullying behavior.
During one of our late-night conversations, he expressed confusion over how to respond to bullying. I took a deep breath and shared a technique I use when confronted with adult bullies. I told him that when I encounter unkind people, I remind myself, “This person is simply unkind.” I explained that while life is filled with various people, some will be nice and others will not. So, when he faces a bully, he should think, “This kid is just being unkind.“
To my surprise, this resonated with him. However, I worried about the potential consequences if he voiced this sentiment at school. Thankfully, he never did, and this approach has yielded positive results. Recently, at a local ballpark, our youngest faced a group of children who were particularly cruel, even going so far as to suggest he would be better off dead. In this instance, I felt it necessary to step in; I could not allow such harmful behavior to go unchecked.
After addressing the situation, our youngest quickly moved on, showing resilience. I silently appreciated that his autism had perhaps shielded him from fully grasping the harshness of the incident. However, I was acutely aware that our oldest comprehended the severity of what had occurred. As we left the park, I calmly checked in with him, and he expressed relief that his brother was alright, referring to the other kids as “just unkind.“
In these moments, I felt that we were navigating parenthood effectively.
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Summary:
Teaching children how to handle bullying is a crucial part of parenting, especially for those with special needs who may struggle with social cues. It’s important to find a balance between intervening and allowing children to stand up for themselves. Simple strategies, such as reframing negative interactions, can empower children to cope with bullies while fostering resilience.
Keyphrase: Helping children deal with bullying
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