During the challenging phase of potty training our first child, we had some friends visit from out of town. These friends were new parents of a delightful baby, adorable and charming. The father, a close acquaintance, had recently watched a segment on a popular talk show about how to potty train your child in a mere weekend. With all sincerity, he shared, “Just follow steps A, B, and C, and she’ll be completely potty-trained by Monday!”
Oh, how amusing!
As if we hadn’t already tried steps A, B, and C.
As if we hadn’t explored every possible method imaginable.
As if we hadn’t spent the last year juggling rewards, encouragement, bribery, coaxing, and every strategy short of sorcery to encourage our little one to use the toilet.
Every parent can relate to the frustration of unsolicited advice from individuals without children. I often wonder how I managed to avoid giving parenting tips when I was childless. If you ever witnessed me doing so, feel free to retroactively correct me.
Equally irritating, however, is the advice from those who are parents but only have one seemingly perfect child under the age of three. I refer to these parents as POOPCUPs: Parents Of One Perfect Child Under Preschool age.
Bless their hearts, POOPCUPs are often misinformed. It’s not entirely their fault; they simply lack the experience. My friend with his adorable baby was a POOPCUP. I likely was one too, possibly even the president of the POOPCUPs.
Typically, firstborn children appear angelic, at least to their parents. This blissful illusion often tempts us to have more kids. They are cute, they fill us with immense love, and before turning three, they skillfully mislead us into thinking we are outstanding parents. Sure, raising a baby or toddler can be tough; sometimes they cry inexplicably and explore places they shouldn’t. Some (like mine) are terrible sleepers. But overall, the experience is filled with charming smiles, laughter, and sweet moments.
To those of you with toddlers, I understand if you take issue with my assertion, but parenting children under three is relatively straightforward. Yes, it can be demanding, but managing them is simpler, or rather, more predictable.
I recall when our first child was a toddler, the exhaustion of attending to her constantly shifting needs. I genuinely believed I was navigating the most demanding phase of parenting. I assumed I would be better prepared for the emotional complexities of older children. After all, I had a background in education and was skilled in interacting with older kids. I thought that once I reached a stage where I could enjoy a full night’s sleep and some uninterrupted time, I would handle any emotional challenges my kids presented.
What I didn’t realize was that my child had yet to develop the verbal skills and awareness of her autonomy that truly reveal the complexities of parenthood. While two-year-olds can communicate and assert their will, it often comes across as cute and clumsy. They may have the willpower, but they lack the finesse to express it effectively.
However, around the age of three, they become acutely aware of their desires and their ability to assert them. This newfound independence, coupled with an expanding vocabulary, gives rise to what I call the “Tyrannical Threes.” They remain adorable, but in my experience, three is when the true challenges of parenting begin. The very challenges I thought I was equipped to handle.
Oh, how naive I was. I had no idea that the emotional demands of parenting could be just as, if not more, draining than the physical aspects. It’s a unique combination of both emotional and physical exhaustion.
Returning to my experience as the self-proclaimed POOPCUP President, our first child was an absolute delight. Although she was a poor sleeper until about 18 months, she was a joy overall. Bright, curious, and charming, she was generally compliant and had a smile that could warm anyone’s heart.
Had she remained our only child and continued as a toddler, I could have easily become a self-righteous parent. I had a child who was obedient and smart. I vividly remember a prayer meeting when she sang every prayer from her book and remained quietly engaged throughout the entire session.
Oh Lord, I was SUCH a POOPCUP.
Our second child, however, was an entirely different story. In fact, her name choice for a baby doll was “Horse,” without a moment’s hesitation. She possesses a fascination with wildlife and has even expressed her desire to have been born as an animal.
Needless to say, she didn’t maintain the same composure at prayer meetings at age three. One term as POOPCUP President is all you get. Once you have more than one child, it becomes clear that their personalities are largely shaped by inherent traits, not solely by exemplary parenting.
I recognize that sharing this perspective may not resonate well with parents of single young children. I remember feeling annoyed when parents with multiple children implied that my experience was limited due to having just one child. I fully acknowledge that parenting one child can be incredibly challenging. However, caring for more than one is a different ball game entirely. This is not a judgment, merely an observation.
I empathize with POOPCUPs because I was one. And I’ve encountered many others. You might know some as well. Perhaps you are or have been a POOPCUP yourself. If you’ve moved beyond that phase, you may find amusement in the misguided advice from POOPCUPs, but exercise patience. Their time will come. Let them enjoy their perfect child—while they can.
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In summary, while parenting can be a delightful experience, it is also filled with unexpected challenges, particularly as children grow and develop their own identities. Understanding these dynamics can help parents navigate the complexities of their journey more effectively.
Keyphrase: Parenting one child under preschool age
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