As a parent, I frequently encounter comments regarding my age, especially when others learn how old my children are. Whether it’s a casual conversation with a stranger, chatting with a fellow parent at the playground, or connecting with colleagues during work events, the reaction is often the same:
“Wait, how old are you?”
While I understand that this comment is often meant to be lighthearted or complimentary, it can become tiresome. Yes, I am younger than many parents of tweens—at just 28 years old. When people realize I have a 12-year-old, I often feel compelled to clarify that he is my stepson, hoping to avoid any assumptions they might make by quickly doing the math.
I was not a teenager when I became a parent; I was 19. However, even if I had been 16, is it truly anyone’s concern? I attend my children’s basketball games and school concerts, participate in parent-teacher meetings, and worry about grades and future plans just like every other parent.
The truth is, I am navigating the complexities of parenthood just like you are.
I appreciate that most people mean well, and I know the “Oh my goodness, you’re so young!” remark is often intended as a compliment. (Yes, I might appreciate it someday!) However, here are a few reasons why unsolicited comments about my age can be problematic:
- When you suggest that I’m too young to have kids, it feels dismissive. I have children, and they happen to be older than yours. Clearly, age does not dictate parenting capabilities.
- Imagine if you asked a woman who appears to be in her forties wrangling toddlers how old she is or if she’s their grandmother. You wouldn’t, right? That would be considered rude.
- The phrase “When I was your age…” doesn’t hold much weight. By the time I reach your age, my kids will be adults. Isn’t that an appealing perspective?
- Implying that I’m too young to handle parenting undermines my efforts. Just because I became a parent early doesn’t mean I care any less or lack maturity.
- Historically, many women became mothers in their teens. While I’m not advocating for that now, it’s important to recognize that societal norms change over time.
- Though tempting, I would never respond to your “You’re so young” comment with “You’re just old.”
Respect the journey of parenthood; we’re all on our unique paths, regardless of the age we started our families—whether 19, 27, or 42. You might even find you can learn from younger parents like me; after all, it wasn’t long ago that I was a child myself.
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In summary, while comments about my age may come from a place of kindness, they often overlook the reality of my experiences and responsibilities as a parent. Let’s focus on supporting one another, regardless of when we entered this journey.