Menu
by Laura Thompson
Updated: Jan. 29, 2016
Originally Published: Dec. 26, 2014
Today marks my 40th birthday. For the past 15 years, I’ve been dyeing my hair due to premature graying, I apply wrinkle cream, and my body emits creaky sounds whenever I stand up too quickly. Yet, I still don’t feel like an adult.
I keep hoping for that transformative moment—the “aha!” realization—when everything will click into place, and I’ll finally become the mature person I’m supposed to be. However, that moment seems elusive.
When I graduated from university, I accepted that it was normal to still feel youthful. My first job, my initial apartment, and the first car I purchased independently were all milestones on my path to adulthood. Nevertheless, I often felt like I was merely playing a role rather than genuinely maturing. When I married my partner, I believed this would be the turning point. I imagined having meaningful discussions over sophisticated meals served on matching dinnerware. Yet, no dramatic emotional shift occurred.
I vividly recall how adult my parents seemed when I was growing up. By the time they reached my age, they had established their permanent home, set up college funds for my siblings and me, and shed the remnants of their youthful lives. They didn’t listen to pop music, dressed in mature attire, and had a keen interest in the news. They diligently read all sections of the newspaper, not just the lifestyle section. My mother volunteered at the local church, while my father referred to his younger colleagues as “those kids at the office.” They didn’t seek purpose or question their fulfillment; they were preoccupied with providing for our family and community, leaving little time to share their wisdom with us.
The birth of my first child was a hint of adulthood for me. I had hoped it would be a more profound awakening, but it was just a subtle flicker. Being responsible for another human being is undeniably significant, and through moments of sleep deprivation, I realized I was no longer a child myself—having brought a child into the world. Still, I knew people who had children in high school and college, and they hardly seemed like grown-ups either. Once I settled into the parenting routine, I felt more like a woman with a baby rather than a fully-fledged adult, keeping up with celebrity gossip while navigating new challenges. At 30, I was still figuring out what it meant to be an adult.
When my oldest child started preschool, I found myself observing the other parents at a meeting and questioned my presence among them. They owned homes, drove minivans, and had retirement plans. They crafted wreaths for their doors and always sent thank-you notes. They resembled the kind of parents my parents had been. Meanwhile, I wore Doc Martens, sported a nose ring, and lacked an Erin Condren life planner, hoping to blend in unnoticed by this group whose collective parenting knowledge could only be diminished by my presence. I aspired to be like them but was uncertain about how to embody the adulthood that seemed so effortless for them.
Over the years, I’ve made some progress. I’ve begun jotting down important meetings in a notebook, occasionally donning more polished footwear, and I’ve even come to enjoy changing the wreath on the door of the townhouse we purchased five years ago. Now, with four children, I drive a minivan, the most upscale vehicle I’ve ever owned. I’ve gradually embraced some adult behaviors I learned from observing the real grown-ups around me. Nevertheless, I still sometimes forget that I’ve been an adult for quite a while now. I’m so grown up that I’m even old enough to have an adult child. Perhaps one of them can teach me how to truly be an adult.
For those exploring their own journeys toward parenthood, resources such as this insightful article about boosting fertility supplements can be beneficial. Additionally, if you’re interested in home insemination, this at-home insemination kit is an excellent resource. For more clinical insights into pregnancy and insemination methods, Cleveland Clinic’s guide on intrauterine insemination can provide valuable information.
Summary
This reflective piece examines the author’s journey through adulthood, questioning what it truly means to be grown-up. Despite reaching milestones and taking on responsibilities, the author grapples with feelings of immaturity and the expectations of adulthood. Through personal anecdotes and observations, the narrative highlights the disparities between one’s self-perception and societal markers of maturity.
Keyphrase: How to adult
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]