Dear Future Child,
As I sit here at 27, I find myself grappling with uncertainties about life and motherhood. In a world filled with unexpected challenges—like sudden airplane crashes, the harsh reality of love not always prevailing, and the prevalence of harmful substances—I question whether this is a suitable environment for you to enter.
I glance at a beautiful bouquet your potential father gifted me, now wilting due to my neglect. My home reflects chaos: a dirty sink, recycling that smells like sour milk, and an unkempt space that isn’t fit for a child. Yet, the thought of meeting you brings me immense joy. I can envision the colors of your room, your middle name, and how deeply you would be cherished by those around you.
However, I hesitate. I fear that my lack of skills—like changing a diaper—combined with the chaotic world outside could hinder our potential bond. I worry that I may not be able to provide the nurturing environment you deserve. It’s terrifying to think about the responsibilities of parenthood, the soccer practices, and the sleepless nights.
I would strive to celebrate your uniqueness, complimenting you daily and allowing you the freedom to express yourself creatively—whether through manicures in wild colors or tap dancing lessons. But my past haunts me; I’ve struggled with self-image and food, and I don’t want you to inherit those battles. I would want to ensure that you view food as abundant rather than forbidden, fostering a healthy relationship with it.
I would make it a priority never to speak negatively about myself in your presence, aiming to shield you from society’s unrealistic standards. Yet, I fear that I might falter, inadvertently teaching you to be critical of yourself.
What if my shortcomings led you to feel unloved or neglected? The world can be a harsh place, filled with challenges and disappointments, and I worry that I might not be able to protect you from that.
While I dream of joyful moments like shopping for mascara together or watching your favorite shows, I also fear the possibility of you feeling a void if I fail to be the mother you need. The emotional weight of that potential failure is overwhelming, and I worry about the impact of my own unfulfilled dreams on your life.
Despite my fears, I understand that happiness must come from within. I realize that I cannot expect you to fulfill my needs or heal my wounds. It’s essential for both of us to find inner peace before embarking on this journey together.
Your potential father often reminds me to make choices from a place of love rather than fear. Yet, as I contemplate the notion of bringing you into this world, I find myself more motivated by fear of potential heartache than by love for the life we could share.
I must acknowledge that my apprehensions stem from a desire to protect you from a messy world. I recognize that I need to sort through my fears and uncertainties before I can truly embrace the idea of motherhood.
In wrapping up these thoughts, I want to express my love for you, even if we have yet to meet. You would bring joy and light into my life, and I envision so many wonderful experiences together. But until I feel ready to navigate this journey, I will hold onto my “maybe.”
Your room could be painted in shades of baby turquoise and rich plum, with your middle name honoring my grandmother.
With all my love,
Mom (maybe)
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Summary
This heartfelt letter reflects a mother’s deep emotions and fears about motherhood, touching on her struggles with self-image and the chaotic world around her. While she dreams of a future with her child, she grapples with the uncertainties of parenting and the importance of fostering a positive environment. Ultimately, her love leads her to consider the weight of her responsibilities carefully.
Keyphrase: future child
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