As I approach nearly ten months into the experience of raising my seventh child, I’ve come to understand that parenting is essentially about transitioning from one difficult stage to the next. Just when you believe you’ve conquered the most arduous phase, another one appears on the horizon.
Phase 1 — Sleep Deprivation
For many, this initial phase is a brief ordeal lasting only a couple of months. However, for others, it can drag on for six to seven months. If you persevere long enough, there will come a night when you prepare for another sleepless cycle, only to wake up eight hours later, bewildered by the fact that you’ve finally had a full night’s rest. In a moment of panic, you may rush to check on your child, fearing something might be wrong. But upon finding them peacefully asleep, a wave of relief washes over you. You think, “Finally, things will get easier!” But then…
Phase 2 — Mobility
This phase often proves to be more challenging than sleep deprivation for two main reasons. First, your child will discover every potential choking hazard in your home and attempt to put it in their mouth. You may find yourself wanting to eliminate every toilet, trash can, and pet dish from your living space. Your ability to accomplish household tasks is severely hindered. Additionally, you will become acutely aware of the cleanliness of your home, determining when to clean your floors based on the color of grime on your child’s knees and the tops of their feet. This phase typically lasts about two years, but then comes a day when you leave the bathroom door ajar, and no one ventures in to play with the toilet, or a garbage can with actual trash remains untouched for hours. Finally, a moment of peace.
Phase 3 — Talking
You eagerly encourage your child to utter that first word, exclaiming, “Say Mama! Say Mama!!!” What you might not anticipate is that once they start speaking, they won’t stop. Those initial “Mamas” are adorable, but the 4000th repetition can become quite tiresome, especially when each utterance is in the context of “You’re the worst.” This phase is endless, but eventually, you come to accept it.
Phase 4 — The Age of Threes and Fours
Forget the so-called “terrible twos.” The threes are a challenge, and the fours can stretch your patience to its breaking point. This phase can lead you to consider therapy or even anger management. Your child will bombard you with queries like “Whyyyyyyyyyyyy????” and pleas of “Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaasse???” at least 387 times a day. Whoever invented time-outs must have been in the thick of this stage. You emerge from it utterly exhausted.
Phase 5 — Lying
If you think your children are incapable of lying, you may still be entrenched in this phase yourself.
Phase 6 — “But Jane’s mom lets her do it.”
This one is self-explanatory.
Phase 7 — The Teen Years
Determining which is worse—Phase 4 or Phase 7—can be challenging, as both are terrifying. Yet, during this phase, your children may surpass you in size and speed, making it all the more daunting.
Phase 8 — “Can I have some money?”
This final phase appears to be the longest-lasting. Believe me, I know—at 45 years old, I’m still navigating it.
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In summary, the journey of parenting is a series of challenging phases that test your patience and resilience. Each stage, while difficult, brings its own unique experiences and insights that shape both you and your children.
Keyphrase: Parenting Phases
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