As I stood with my partner, Sam, holding hands beside the hospital bed, we felt a mixture of excitement and nervousness. We had just finished packing our belongings, ready to take our newborn son, Oliver, home. However, when the pediatrician returned from the discharge exam without our baby, the serious look on her face sent a wave of anxiety through me. I tightened my grip on Sam’s hand, bracing myself for what was to come.
“Your son began seizing during our examination. We need to admit him to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit,” she stated solemnly.
In that moment, time seemed to freeze. I felt disoriented, my heart raced, and my breath became shallow. This couldn’t be real. Just moments ago, we had dressed Oliver in his special Going Home outfit. We were ready to embark on our new life as parents.
The doctor approached us again, “I’m sorry. I know this is unexpected. We are running every test possible to determine the cause. Have you noticed anything unusual?”
I quickly reflected on the past few days. Oliver, born three-and-a-half weeks premature with the cord wrapped around his neck, had made quite the entrance. Thankfully, he was resuscitated quickly, and after that initial scare, he appeared healthy. He was feeding and sleeping well, weighing a solid seven pounds eleven ounces. But then I remembered, “His arm was jerking. I mentioned it to the nurse yesterday, and she said it was nothing.”
“Hmm…” the doctor mused. “That could have been another seizure. We must investigate further.” With that, she returned to our son, leaving us to grapple with our newfound reality.
Instead of bringing our baby home as planned, we spent that day navigating the strict NICU protocols, following Oliver as doctors conducted a series of tests, including MRIs and CT scans. We waited anxiously, watching through Plexiglas windows, our hearts heavy with dread.
The gravity of the situation began to settle in. Our newborn was experiencing recurrent seizures, and the reason remained unknown. What would happen to him? Would he be alright? My partner and I held each other tightly, praying for answers.
With the overnight facility at capacity, we had to leave the hospital to find a place to rest. We checked into a nearby hotel, feeling an overwhelming sense of loneliness and despair. I curled up in bed, a deep ache in my chest, my trembling hands resting on my empty stomach. My baby was no longer inside me, and now he wasn’t in my arms either.
After further examination, doctors discovered that Oliver had suffered a stroke either in utero or during delivery. This stroke provided some insight into his early arrival and was certainly linked to the seizure activity. However, the cause of the stroke was still a mystery, necessitating more tests. Our baby had to remain in the NICU, and we couldn’t take him home.
The next day, surrounded by advanced medical equipment—warming beds, feeding tubes, IVs, and monitors—I felt a mix of terror and guilt. Terror, because we were confronted with the reality of a stroke and its potential implications for Oliver’s life. Guilt, as I observed other infants in the NICU who appeared significantly more fragile, connected to more machines than my son. How long would they remain there? What awaited their families?
These conflicting feelings motivated us to return to the hotel for brief rest periods before heading back to the hospital every three hours to nurse and hold Oliver. This was not the typical exhaustion of new parents; we drove through the night, fear of the unknown shadowing our hopes.
After three harrowing days in the NICU, we received the news we had yearned for: our son was stable. There were no new symptoms or seizures, and the doctors believed a blood clot might be the cause of his stroke. Although the long-term effects remained uncertain, we felt a wave of relief wash over us as we received the discharge recommendation from the attending neonatologist. Our terror and guilt began to dissipate.
On a beautiful, sunny morning, we finally placed Oliver in his baby carrier, ready to leave the hospital. The click of the car seat marked a moment of triumph for us as new parents. We had faced one of our first major challenges and emerged stronger. Though the future remained uncertain, we were finally ready to bring our baby home and begin our journey as a family.
For those navigating similar experiences, you may find valuable information in one of our other blog posts about couples’ fertility journeys for intracervical insemination. Additionally, resources regarding pregnancy and home insemination can be found here.
Summary:
Emily and Sam’s journey through the NICU with their son Oliver began with unexpected complications after birth. Initially ready to take their baby home, they faced the reality of seizures and a stroke diagnosis. As they navigated the emotional turmoil of uncertainty, they ultimately found hope in their son’s recovery and learned the importance of resilience as new parents.
Keyphrase: NICU experience of new parents
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