In a moment of reflection, I decided it was time to put an end to my yelling. It has now been a day since I made this commitment, and I have consciously monitored every word that has escaped my lips. This brief period allowed me the opportunity to evaluate the key elements behind my outbursts: the who, what, when, where, and why of my frustrations.
The “Who”
Who was prompting my raised voice? Initially, it seemed obvious—my children. However, upon deeper examination, I realized that I had fallen into the trap of blaming them for my reactions. The truth is, I was the one choosing to yell. I was forfeiting my self-control, and no one was forcing me to do so.
The “What”
In what situations did I find myself yelling the most? The answer was quite revealing. My outbursts often arose from circumstances that demanded my time or financial resources. For example, the spill of powdered sugar required me to divert my attention from other tasks I had planned, such as scrolling through social media. The frustration bubbled over: “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!”
The “When” and “Where”
The “when” and “where” were equally telling. I discovered that my urge to yell was most pronounced during specific times and settings: getting into the car, mealtimes, and when I was engaged with technology.
The “Why”
Finally, I delved into the crucial “why.” Why was I yelling? At first glance, it seemed it was because my kids were misbehaving. However, upon reflection, the issue lay with me once again. My yelling stemmed from three primary causes:
- Laziness: How often had I resorted to yelling from downstairs instead of simply walking upstairs to get my children? In my reluctance to move, I created a cycle of frustration that could have been avoided.
- Poor Planning: When I neglected to prepare for dinner and found myself in a time crunch, my stress would lead to yelling. The kids would ask for food, and in my panic, I would snap at them instead of calmly asking them to occupy themselves.
- Unreasonable Expectations: With five children under ten, I had to remind myself that they could not be expected to follow commands instantly. They are kids, after all, and it was unfair of me to expect them to remain compliant for extended periods without any engagement from me.
In conclusion, I recognized that the problems were not with my children but rather with my own responses and expectations. Moving forward, I am committed to embracing a calmer approach to parenting, understanding that frustration often arises from my own shortcomings rather than my children’s behavior.
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