From the moment we enter this world, we are subjected to measurements and comparisons against an elusive standard of “normal.” We are plotted on percentile charts, scrutinized, assessed, and categorized. Our results are assigned numerical values that become identifiers of our identity, with our placement on these charts defining who we are. Yet, it is often in the gap between our true selves and this invisible normal that we find ourselves adrift, spending precious years striving to conform to expectations rather than embracing our authentic selves.
The desire to fit into this definition of normalcy is not entirely our own; it is often imposed by those around us. Parents, healthcare professionals, and various figures in our lives expect us to align with certain norms. If we deviate from these benchmarks, the implication is that there is something to be ‘fixed,’ regardless of whether there is anything wrong in the first place. Soon, that feeling of divergence can lead us to perceive ourselves as broken.
“You’re here,” a healthcare provider might indicate, highlighting a solitary point on a graph. “But you should be here,” they may say, pointing to a cluster of others.
We often equate our results with our self-worth, adjusting our self-image to fit these external measures. However, we are not defined by these outcomes, nor by the perceptions others hold of us. Despite this, we find ourselves navigating life according to external standards, often unwittingly passing these beliefs onto our children. This unyielding normal we measure ourselves against is a fabrication, yet we accept it as truth, rooted in the fear that there exists a correct way to be human—a fear that we may not be achieving it.
As individuals, our lives are as complex and unique as the experiences of those around us, yet we tend to assume that others have it figured out better than we do. In the absence of a clear understanding of what it means to be ourselves, we look to others as benchmarks, leading to silent comparisons that can reinforce feelings of inadequacy.
We are often trapped by our beliefs about ourselves and others, unaware of how misguided these perceptions can be. The fear of judgment and the potential for criticism can deter people from expressing their true selves. Pretending to conform to a standard of normalcy only serves to undermine the beautiful complexity of human experience. In truth, there is no single way to be normal—our unique differences are what make us human. Embracing this diversity is the essence of being a person.
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In summary, we are not all the same; we are wonderfully varied and unique individuals. The only thing truly normal about humanity is the presence of our individual differences.
Keyphrase: Understanding Normalcy in Parenting
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