Dear Anxious Expectant,
As your due date draws near, it’s clear that you’re fixating on trivial matters. If only you could see that most of your worries are inconsequential. What you truly need to do is get some rest—now is your last opportunity for a good night’s sleep before your life changes forever.
What’s that? You’re struggling to sleep due to discomfort? Think again! Soon, you’ll be awake at 3 AM, perhaps covered in baby spit-up, too afraid to move and risk disturbing your little one—who will only sleep when held tightly.
Let’s address some of the absurd anxieties on your mind. You’re fretting about the possibility of embarrassing yourself during labor. Here’s the truth: when the moment arrives, you won’t care if anything happens at all, as long as they get that baby out swiftly. Trust me, when you’re in the heat of it, you’ll wish for the speed of a teenager racing through a video game.
And that book on natural childbirth you’re pouring over? It’s time to set it aside and grab a copy of What Do I Do with This Baby? because, once labor hits, you’ll be begging for an epidural by the time you reach three centimeters. Remember, the labor process is just one day, while parenting is a lifetime commitment. Spend your time learning about child care rather than breathing exercises that won’t ease your pain. Although, you may find those techniques useful for your first post-birth bowel movement.
Additionally, you seem to have a plethora of opinions on parenting right now. You will soon realize how little you know about it. For every judgment you cast on others, expect a dose of mom guilt to follow. So go ahead and criticize your friend who leaves her kids at daycare longer than she should—soon enough, you’ll wish for that extra hour too. And that woman you saw in the grocery store? Karma will ensure you experience her reality, complete with mismatched clothes and crumbs on your child’s face while you wear something that was once considered stylish—just not anymore.
Indulge in that extra slice of cheesecake while you still can. You think it’s all going to your belly, but it’s headed straight to those areas that will soon need extra attention. And don’t hold on to the myth that breastfeeding will magically melt the pounds away. You’ll be the mom whose child shows up at preschool unprepared, all while you wish for a day to yourself.
After your baby arrives, amidst the chaos of sleepless nights and postpartum emotions, you might find yourself overwhelmed. You may start relying on birth control like candy, hoping to avoid a second child. Yet, in a moment of weakness over a box of cheap wine, you might find yourself ready to try again.
Through the stretch marks, the baby messes, and the postpartum struggles, the only thing that will carry you through is a love you haven’t yet experienced. So brace yourself for the journey ahead. Embrace the other mothers around you; the support you’ll find will be invaluable once you realize the vastness of what you don’t know.
Take care of yourself and prepare for the beautiful chaos that is about to unfold.
In solidarity,
Your Future Self