Updated: June 5, 2020
Originally Published: September 17, 2014
For the first two years of my eldest child’s life, I was a working mother. When my son was just five months old, I enrolled him in daycare, packing his bags with frozen breast milk, formula (just in case), diapers, and a change of clothes. Each morning, I would drop him off around 7 a.m., tears streaming down my face as I drove to the office, often crying the entire way.
After a long day, I would pick him up between 5:30 and 6 p.m., head home, prepare dinner, feed him, and navigate the rest of the evening. Life was challenging. My husband and I had only recently tied the knot before welcoming our first child, and adjusting to life together was no easy feat. We frequently clashed. On top of that, I was trying to navigate the complexities of motherhood while managing a demanding job and a boss who seemed to have stepped right out of a sitcom.
In those days, the idea of being a Stay-at-Home Mom (SAHM) was a tantalizing fantasy. I envied their seemingly idyllic lives, filled with ample time to cook, clean, engage in intellectually stimulating play with their children, and reclaim their postpartum bodies. I often found myself rolling my eyes at their complaints on social media about how tough it was to be a mom. “You have it so easy,” I thought, “you don’t even know what hard is.”
However, everything changed with the arrival of my second child. I made the decision to leave my job, filled with optimism about all the tasks I would accomplish—finally tackling those dishes, cleaning the floors, and pursuing personal projects. But the stark reality of being a stay-at-home parent hit me like a freight train.
In truth, my home was likely tidier when I was working than it has ever been since. Mornings offer me a solitary hour before my children wake up, a time I could spend cleaning. But to forfeit that precious hour for cleaning would be madness; it’s the only time I have to myself! Instead, I find myself trailing behind my kids, tidying up after their messes, only to give up eventually. What’s the point?
And the dishes? They are a never-ending cycle. The moment I unload the dishwasher, someone needs a snack, a drink, or something else, leading to a perpetual pile in the sink.
I also believed that once I was home, I would find clarity and focus. I envisioned completing personal projects, finishing paintings, and redirecting my career in a fulfilling direction. But I soon discovered that I had merely traded one boss for another—this time, two (and then three) little ones who required constant attention, feeding, diaper changes, and playtime.
At this juncture, one might expect me to conclude with a heartfelt sentiment about the immense value of being a Stay-at-Home Mom, asserting that despite the formidable challenges, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
But the truth is, I’m uncertain if quitting my job was the right decision. I question whether my children benefit more from my full-time presence than they did when I was working.
What I do know for certain, however, is that the dishes continue to pile up.
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Summary
This article reflects on the reality of transitioning from a working mother to a stay-at-home mom, highlighting the unexpected challenges and misconceptions that arise. The author grapples with feelings of uncertainty regarding her decision to leave the workforce and the ongoing struggles of managing home life while raising children.
Keyphrase: reality of being a stay-at-home mom
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