When I was expecting my first child—a decade and countless sleepless nights ago—I approached pregnancy with the same dedication I had during my college years. I devoured every book, attended classes, and participated in online forums. As a self-proclaimed overachiever, I was determined to ace Motherhood 101.
I diligently participated in birthing classes, toured the hospital, and even took my partner to a breastfeeding workshop. I meticulously washed baby clothes with hypoallergenic detergent and practiced my kegels. But then I had my baby.
Like many new mothers, I found myself in bed, dealing with a whirlwind of physical changes and emotions—suddenly overwhelmed by the reality that nobody had prepared me for. I thought, “Why didn’t anyone tell me this?” The answer, I realized, was that I wasn’t ready to hear it. My focus was solely on pregnancy and childbirth; I was unaware that birth was merely the beginning.
Here are ten things I wish someone had shared with me about new motherhood:
- Your First Encounter with Your Baby May Not Be Magical: When you first see or hold your newborn, you might not hear any angelic choir. You could still have medical professionals attending to you or be in significant discomfort. It’s perfectly normal if the moment doesn’t feel ethereal; you’ll have plenty of time for those special moments later.
- Bathroom Visits Will Be An Event: Your first trip to the restroom post-delivery will be noteworthy. Don’t hesitate to accept help; it’s essential to prioritize your safety. This will mark the beginning of a new level of humility as a mother, as you’ll often find yourself without privacy for years to come.
- Breastfeeding Can Be Challenging: It takes time to find the right position that works for both you and your possibly fussy baby. Initially, breastfeeding can be painful and uncomfortable, with issues like cracked nipples and engorgement. Thankfully, support from a lactation consultant can make a world of difference, and if breastfeeding doesn’t work out, that’s okay. What matters most is the love you provide your child.
- Hormonal Changes Will Hit Hard: Expect to feel emotional, especially around day four postpartum. This is when hormonal fluctuations can lead to tears and feelings of overwhelm. It’s perfectly acceptable to cry, but if your sadness persists, seek professional assistance.
- Stay in Comfortable Clothing: For the first couple of weeks, consider sticking to pajamas. Once you dress in “real” clothes, others may start expecting you to be more functional, which is the last thing you need while managing recovery and caring for a newborn.
- Sleep Patterns Vary: Babies don’t always sleep, and this isn’t indicative of your parenting skills. Eventually, they will establish a sleep routine. Don’t compare your experience to others; every baby is unique, and sleep disruptions are common.
- Trust Your Instincts: Never let others make you doubt your understanding of your baby. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Listen to your instincts instead of adhering strictly to what worked for others, including your parents or in-laws.
- Seek Support: Connecting with other new mothers through local groups or online communities can provide immense relief and camaraderie. It’s akin to starting college—finding peers who are navigating the same challenges can be invaluable.
- Avoid Martyrdom: Resisting the urge to do everything on your own is crucial. Your children won’t remember self-sacrifice; they’ll remember how present you were. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, whether it’s for a shower or just a moment of rest—it’s okay to admit that it’s tough.
- Capture Memories: Take plenty of photos, and be sure to get in them! You’ll likely forget much of this whirlwind experience, so documenting it will help preserve those fleeting moments.
Ultimately, I wish someone had told me that the first year of motherhood is unlike any other experience. Each day can feel both miraculous and endless. While you may never feel like you’re getting an A-plus, the journey will undeniably change you. Some lessons must be learned firsthand, as no book or class can fully prepare you for the realities of parenthood.
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