In the journey of parenthood, one of the most challenging decisions I faced was allowing my baby to cry. I won’t disguise it with terms like “Sleep Training” or “CIO” (cry it out). I made the choice to let my baby cry so she could learn to soothe herself to sleep. It was an agonizing experience, undoubtedly the hardest thing I’ve encountered as a mother, but I firmly believe it was necessary.
One particularly tough evening, my partner was away for work, and my mother stepped in to help me manage the chaos of sleepless nights. The month prior had been fraught with the notorious four-month sleep regression, leaving both my baby and me utterly exhausted. I needed support.
At that time, my baby, Lily, was refusing to sleep. Each night, I spent an average of two hours trying to get her to settle down. She would doze off while nursing, but as soon as I gently placed her in her crib, she startled awake, and the cycle began anew. Even when I finally succeeded in getting her to sleep, she would wake every hour, leaving me utterly drained.
Both of us were in desperate need of quality sleep, which we weren’t getting. Thus, I resolved to teach my baby how to fall asleep independently. I considered it akin to taking her for vaccinations. She would cry (and I would too), but it was a necessary step. It was time to remove the training wheels and let her learn.
The initial night was heart-wrenching; Lily cried for 25 minutes while my mother monitored the baby monitor, and I sobbed in the shower. I felt like a terrible parent, as if I were abandoning her. My mother reassured me: “We know she’s not hungry. Her diaper is clean. She is safe.” But all I could think was that she just wanted me. My heart shattered into countless pieces, and I felt hopeless.
Just when I thought I couldn’t endure another moment, Lily stopped crying and fell asleep. However, instead of relief, I was overcome by guilt. I feared that I had damaged her emotionally and that our bond would never be the same. The tears kept flowing.
After a restless night (for me, not her), I rushed to her crib the next morning. I wanted to hold her tightly and apologize for the previous night. I needed her to know how much I loved her.
To my surprise, when I entered her nursery, Lily was smiling. How could she be happy after everything? Surely, she should be resentful? Yet, she was simply joyful and well-rested.
Each subsequent night improved, with less crying. The thought of enduring another agonizing first night motivated me through the next few nights. They remained challenging, but each morning, Lily greeted me with a smile.
Of course, we still encounter difficult nights and naps aren’t always perfect. However, she is now a better sleeper and a happier baby overall. I didn’t take the decision lightly. Here are five reasons I allowed my baby to cry:
- We needed sleep. As mothers, we often prioritize our babies’ needs over our own. While I could manage on little sleep, my baby required quality rest too, which was essential for her well-being.
- Co-sleeping didn’t work for us. In a last-ditch effort to help Lily sleep, I attempted co-sleeping. However, I was unable to relax, and instead of sleeping, she was wide awake and ready to play.
- I missed my partner. The arrival of a baby can strain a marriage. When your baby won’t sleep, your partner can feel like a mere roommate. Our quality time together dwindled, as I became consumed with trying to get Lily to sleep and searching for solutions.
- I needed time for myself. As a stay-at-home mom, I cherish the time I spend with my baby, but I also value my personal time. After a long day, I looked forward to my time to unwind, knowing Lily was peacefully sleeping.
- It was the best option for our family. I understand that this topic can be contentious. Some mothers resonate with my experience, while others may judge it as selfish. Ultimately, allowing Lily to learn to self-soothe worked for us because she was ready, and I trusted my maternal instincts.
As new mothers, we constantly hear about the “right” way to care for our babies, especially regarding sleep. Everyone has their own story and method, but what proved effective for us was tuning out external opinions and listening to Lily, the true expert in her needs.
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In summary, while allowing my baby to cry was a difficult choice, it ultimately led to better sleep for both of us and reinforced our bond.
Keyphrase: letting your baby cry
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