It is often claimed that some couples maintain the same level of intimacy after welcoming children, while others insist that their romantic encounters actually increased following the arrival of their little ones. Frankly, I find that hard to believe.
Now, don’t misunderstand me; I appreciate a good intimate moment. However, it’s difficult for me to accept that anyone’s intimate life remains stable or even improves once kids enter the picture. Unless, of course, you weren’t particularly active before becoming parents. In that case, I genuinely empathize with you. Yet, if your pre-parenting intimate life was minimal, you might not feel the same disappointment as those of us who experience a significant drop in romantic encounters post-kids. Perhaps the secret is to set expectations low from the beginning to always feel pleasantly surprised!
Let’s put aside the skeptics and delve into the topic at hand: having children tends to drastically alter your intimate life.
While I’m not a relationship expert, I believe couples typically navigate through five distinct phases in their intimate journey:
- Dating. Ah, the thrill of this stage! You remember the excitement—every encounter filled with anticipation, barely able to keep your hands off each other. I recall spending the initial months of my relationship with my partner in a state of blissful disarray. You know what I mean: “Just Been…” (you can fill in the blanks).
- Living Together. This phase begins with exhilaration. After all those passionate dates culminating in intimacy, it’s natural to assume that living together will lead to daily encounters. Oh, how naive!
- The Pulling of the Goalie. Often referred to as the “we’re trying” phase, this time feels almost magical. The moment you stop using birth control, it’s as if you’re transported back to the Dating Phase—pure joy! For a month, that is. As time stretches on without conception, intimacy can start feeling more like a (mostly enjoyable) experiment.
- We’re Pregnant! Entering this stage, you may feel euphoric, but then morning sickness arrives, which is hardly a romantic ambiance for anyone. Thankfully, many women begin to feel better by the second trimester; however, some partners may lose interest as the baby bump grows. It seems that the thought of “poking the baby” doesn’t sit well with them.
- We’re Never Having Sex Again Parents. Once you reach this stage, the landscape of intimacy is forever altered. You find yourself scheduling intimacy around nap times and bedtimes, hoping desperately that the baby doesn’t wake up during your moment together. The sound of a crying child or cheerful babbling can be an immediate mood killer.
While I’m sure there are more than just five phases in this intimate cycle, my partner and I have yet to experience them all. I suspect that once our child starts school in a couple of years, this cycle will come full circle, and we might even find time for spontaneous daytime intimacy again. If I’m mistaken, please keep that insight to yourself!
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Summary:
The transition to parenthood significantly impacts couples’ intimate lives. It typically follows five stages: the excitement of dating, the expectation of living together, the thrill of trying for a baby, the challenges of pregnancy, and the reality of parenthood. Understanding these phases can help couples navigate their evolving relationship dynamics.
Keyphrase: The Five Stages of Parents’ Intimate Life
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