Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: June 18, 2014
Before entering the realm of parenthood, my vision of motherhood was painted with idyllic scenes. During my journey through fertility treatments and acupuncture, I envisioned quiet, tender moments with my baby in the early hours of dawn. I imagined peaceful Saturday mornings filled with cartoons, followed by energetic soccer games and splashes in the pool. I looked forward to school performances, back-to-school shopping trips, and having a little buddy to accompany me to the movies.
Then reality struck—I was blessed with not one, but two miraculous children. They were delightful companions until our youngest reached the age of two, and from that point, the sibling rivalry began. The days of hair-pulling, toy-snatching, and wrestling on the floor made it nearly impossible to find even three minutes of calm playtime. While they share a special bond, my days of being “just a mom” are long gone. Now, my role has expanded to include that of a referee, and my daily conversations involve phrases I never thought I would utter.
For instance:
- “Please don’t lick your brother!” – Yes, you read that correctly. The thought of them licking each other is utterly repulsive. It’s like watching a slow-motion scene from a movie, with the anticipation of impending disgust.
- “Please stop eating the sunscreen.” – Who thought that a foam resembling whipped cream would be fun to consume? Mental note: invest in spray sunscreen instead.
- “Let go of my shirt!” – Although our youngest stopped nursing over a year ago, she remains fixated on my clothing. In new environments, she often tugs at my shirt, occasionally revealing my bra—or worse, exposing me entirely. High-neck t-shirts have become my go-to wardrobe choice.
- “Stop decorating your nightstand with boogers!” – It’s not just a few; an entire side of her nightstand has become a shrine to her nasal creations. At least she’s not eating them, right?
- “Poop is not a food group.” – This summer has been dominated by potty humor. Every meal is riddled with references to poop, from lunch options to birthday cake frostings. Cue the giggles.
- “No, I will not cook your behind and eat it.” – When I enforce a no-poop talk rule at the dinner table, they respond with requests to prepare their butts for dinner. Why is this humor so amusing to them?
- “Who placed the remote control in the toilet?” – If your toddler enjoys remote controls, you’re not alone; mine seems to prefer them over any toy. I’ve found ours in the toy box, tucked away in hatboxes, and yes, even submerged in the toilet.
- “You cannot dance naked at the table. Please return to your seat.” – I never anticipated dealing with a phase where stripping down and dancing would be a norm. At least she asked for permission this time. Is this just a temporary stage?
- “You can choose to hold it, but please go!” – Our toddler has an aversion to using the toilet for number two, often holding it for days. Is this a common issue among parents?
- “Your body is not a toy!” – This is perhaps the most shocking statement I’ve had to make, stemming from a bath time exploration incident.
Ah, the delightful chaos of parenting.
For those interested in exploring the journey of parenthood, consider checking out this excellent resource for guidance on treating infertility or visit this post about couples’ fertility journeys. If you’re seeking more information on home insemination, you can find valuable insights at BabyMaker’s site as an authority on this subject.
In summary, parenting is not just about nurturing; it’s a whirlwind of unexpected phrases and situations that redefine your understanding of family life.
Keyphrase: unexpected parenting phrases
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