If you could peer into my uterus, it would likely be a vibrant shade of blue and possibly adorned with a beard. Why, you ask? Because this particular baby-making machine exclusively produces boys. This reality has turned out to be somewhat of a cosmic jest, considering my previous identity as a quintessential “girl’s girl”—think makeup, cute shoes, and fruity drinks over whiskey shots. Risking a broken nail? No, thank you. Bugs and worms? Absolutely not.
However, stepping into the role of a mother to boys—whether one or several—brings about unique challenges that require a shift in perspective. You don’t have to abandon your feminine side; in fact, clinging to some girlish traits might be more crucial than ever. If you’re expecting a boy, know someone who is, or have a little one who is still more baby than boy, here’s a compilation of invaluable insights for navigating motherhood in a household filled with boys.
1. Embrace Bath Time
And by “bath time,” I don’t mean soaking in a luxurious bubble bath yourself. You need to be ready to give baths, and boys generate a significant need for them. Expect splashes, a wet-dog scent, and a drenched floor, along with the inevitable dirty towels. When they graduate to showers, be prepared for the lingering aroma despite their enthusiastic use of body wash—unless you repeatedly remind them to use soap everywhere! (Note: Avoid splurging on expensive body wash.)
2. Find Humor in Farts
By divine design, I was gifted with a sense of humor that appreciates toilet jokes, making it easier to cope with this phase. Boys find flatulence hilarious—this is a fundamental truth. Your response to their amusement can greatly influence your stress levels. Laughing along is beneficial; discouraging it may lead to heightened giggles. Just emphasize that there are appropriate times for such humor (like not during a church service or while dining out) and you’ll be just fine. If you’re not a fan of toilet humor, you’ll need to develop a tolerance since it’s a frequent occurrence.
3. Be Ready for Toilet Battles
From the moment I discovered I was having a boy, I was determined to teach him proper toilet etiquette—like putting the seat down. Despite my best efforts, there’s always a hiccup. One son may remember to lower the seat but forget to flush, while another may do the opposite. And all of them seem to sprinkle when they tinkle! My daily reminders to aim, flush, and close the lid can be exhausting, especially when I’m left with the cleanup. Maintaining a clean bathroom is a constant challenge with boys around.
4. Rethink Your Safety Standards
Don’t call child protective services just yet! I’m not advocating for unsafe practices like skipping car seats. However, consider the overly cautious mom who sterilizes everything and gasps at minor tumbles. With boys, it’s essential to let go of that mindset. They leap off things, tumble down, and explore the world in a rough-and-tumble manner. They’ll taste anything from dirt to cat litter out of sheer curiosity. If you have multiple boys, expect an amplified version of this chaos—wrestling matches included. Stock up on Band-Aids and learn to look the other way now and then for your own sanity.
5. Expect Drama
I often hear that boys are less dramatic than girls, but my experience has been quite the opposite. My sons can throw fits that rival any soap opera—complete with stomping, eye-rolling, and wailing over the “grave injustices” of life, like being assigned “Player 2” in a video game. Don’t let anyone convince you that boys are inherently less dramatic—trust me, they can be just as expressive!
6. Prepare for Messes
The state of my household can drive me to the brink. Unless you have a full-time housekeeper, you’ll need to accept that messes are part of the package. Boys aren’t typically concerned about tracking mud, grass, or food spills. They also have a knack for leaving boogers in the most unexpected places. No amount of lecturing seems to penetrate their carefree approach. The messes multiply significantly with multiple boys (and their friends), so brace yourself!
7. Stock Up on Food
I was naive to think my little ones wouldn’t be big eaters. Suddenly, my slender eight-year-old can devour a mountain of food and still demand more. Snacks are a constant necessity, leading to frequent raids on the fridge and cupboards. Our grocery bills are staggering, and they only seem to increase as they grow—who knew boys could eat like locusts? I can only imagine the financial strain when they all reach their teenage years!
8. Be Prepared for Lots of Jeans
I’ve written extensively about the astonishing speed at which boys can destroy even the sturdiest jeans. Denim might be rugged, but it can’t withstand the crawling, scraping, and general wear and tear that comes with active boys. Their ability to ruin clothes is truly impressive!
9. Get Comfortable with Nudity
It’s a mystery how they manage to ruin so many jeans when they often prefer to go without them entirely. The moment they walk through the door from school, they seem compelled to shed their clothing. Sometimes they lounge in just their underwear or skip it altogether. This carefree attitude toward nudity is part of the territory.
10. Accept “The Grab”
Finally, let’s talk about the inevitable. Boys are going to grab their anatomy at every opportunity. From the moment they’re out of diapers, you’ll find them reaching for their bits without a second thought. This behavior is as instinctual as it is frequent, and you may find yourself saying things like, “Stop wrapping your penis around your fork.” After a while, you’ll hardly notice it amidst the chaos of everyday life.
In summary, being a mom to boys comes with its own set of unique challenges and rewards. From navigating bathroom etiquette to embracing their boundless energy, it’s a journey filled with laughter, drama, and a lot of messes.
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Keyphrase: Tips for Moms of Boys
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