This morning, I watched my five-year-old, Jack, board the bus for his third day of kindergarten. As it drove away, his beaming smile lingered in my mind, and I felt a lump in my throat. A piece of my heart was on that bus, and it was leaving with him.
Jack celebrated his fifth birthday on December 14, 2012, the same day that twenty children boarded a bus for school and never returned home. As we send our little ones off this fall, the tragedy of Newtown weighs heavily on my thoughts.
I can’t help but think of those innocent faces and the families who have lost their children. While I focus on my own child, I am also reminded of the emptiness felt in a world that is dimmer without those lost.
On his second day of kindergarten, Jack excitedly told me how much fun he had in gym class, something he described as “awesome.” But then he shared that they practiced a lockdown drill. They locked doors, turned off the lights, and crawled under their desks to prepare for a potential threat. He confidently explained that his teacher would protect him if a “bad stranger” came to school. In that moment, a piece of my heart shattered.
In 2013, this is what kindergarten includes: gym class and lockdown drills. I am proud of my son’s school for addressing such complex issues with young children, yet it pains me to realize that this is now a fundamental part of their education. It’s a stark reminder of the changing landscape of childhood in the 21st century.
Jack’s innocent questions about safety pierced my heart. I assured him, with an unconvincing certainty, that his school was safe, that all the doors were locked. When he asked about the possibility of a stranger breaking in, I lied again, telling him it would never happen. While I know the reality, sometimes providing comfort through lies feels necessary.
I recall my own kindergarten experience, filled with joy and simplicity, where playhouses and learning the Pledge of Allegiance defined my days. That world is gone, and today’s children face a different reality. They seem to be aware of things I wish they didn’t have to know, and I, at 35, wish I could protect them from the harsh truths of the world.
As the fall unfolds, I must let Jack venture out into this unpredictable world, knowing that my love for him is deep but my control over what happens next is limited. I catch a glimpse of his bus rounding the corner, and his smiling face brings me comfort. For today, at least, that piece of my heart feels whole and safe.
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In summary, the experience of sending children to kindergarten today is far more complex than it once was, intertwined with both excitement and fears that are difficult to articulate. The realities of modern education require us to adapt, while the innocence of childhood remains a precious gift we strive to protect.
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