The radiant images featured in family magazines often convey the notion that a cheerful child is a direct reflection of effective parenting. If your child radiates joy, laughs exuberantly, and navigates life with ease, it’s understandable to feel that you’re excelling as a parent. Congratulations! After tucking your happy child into bed, treat yourself to a well-deserved glass of wine, as you are indeed succeeding in this parenting journey.
However, perhaps you, like me, have been blessed with a child who effortlessly captivates everyone with her joyful demeanor, while simultaneously facing the challenge of nurturing another child who is more apprehensive.
As the mother of two distinctly different daughters, I can confidently affirm that no matter how diligent a parent may strive to provide support, some children simply experience sadness. It is an unfortunate reality that some individuals, like my daughter (we’ll name her Mia), possess a natural inclination towards happiness, while others, like my second daughter (let’s call her Ava), wrestle with anxiety from a young age.
To be fair, even the most neglectful parent could stifle the spirit of the most naturally cheerful child. However, it’s essential to extend compassion to parents of anxious children. As much as I would like to credit myself for Mia’s joyous nature, it is inherently hers. Likewise, while I often find myself blaming my parenting for Ava’s struggles, I shouldn’t, and neither should you, well-meaning strangers, grocery store clerks, or meter readers.
Ava has been diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder, and after extensive research and numerous specialist consultations, I can genuinely assert that understanding this condition can be more perplexing than the symptoms themselves. As one developmental pediatrician aptly put it, sensory processing disorder can be akin to adult content: difficult to articulate, but recognizable when observed.
Taking a walk in the park with Mia is truly a pleasurable experience. She greets passersby with a smile, excitedly points out dogs, and exclaims, “Doggy!” with such enthusiasm that even the busiest dog owner pauses, grinning at my wonderful daughter. In those moments, I feel a sense of triumph in motherhood—yet I am acutely aware that such moments are fleeting.
Conversely, a stroll in the park with Ava resembles a covert operation, with my anxious daughter flanked by adults who vigilantly scan for dogs, lawnmowers, and other potential triggers. In these instances, I struggle to maintain composure, which is a polite way of admitting that I sometimes falter as a mother.
After Ava once darted into the street to escape a perceived threat, I found myself shouting in frustration, “If you run into the street again, I’ll lose my mind!” During such moments, the challenges of motherhood can feel overwhelming. Perhaps you can relate; as you guide your anxious child to safety or soothe their cries in a public place, feelings of frustration, sadness, fear, and guilt can wash over you. And as you fight back tears, knowing that showing emotion may only upset your child further, you swallow your pain, like a bitter pill, to be processed later in solitude.
Regardless of whether you have a consistently anxious child or your typically joyful child simply has a tough day, after doing your utmost, pour yourself a glass of wine when they are finally asleep because you have certainly earned it.
The next time you encounter a stressed mother in a parking lot, struggling to contain her upset child, consider offering a kind word. Your silence may feel like judgment to her, especially if her child is not displaying happiness. Just as you might congratulate a mother with a cheerful child, extend that same courtesy to one with a sad child. A simple acknowledgment can uplift her spirits, transforming her sense of defeat into a moment of connection and joy.
In conclusion, parenting encompasses the spectrum of emotions, from joy to sadness, and every experience is valid. Embrace those fleeting moments of happiness and recognize that whether you’re navigating the challenges of a joyful or anxious child, your love remains unwavering.
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