Taking kids to the movies can be an exercise in patience and humor. Here are 10 laws that seem to govern the experience:
- The Seat Kicker: No matter where you sit, someone will inevitably position themselves behind you and start kicking your chair. This is often a child, with a parent utterly unaware of the disturbance. To counteract this, many parents deploy strategies like subtle seat movements or swift glances over their shoulders, hoping to discourage the foot traffic.
- The Butt Reference: During the previews, at least one character will mention the word “butt.” This will trigger a wave of giggles and repeated cries of “butt!” from your child, leading to a flurry of shushing that renders you incapable of hearing the next trailer.
- The Snack Conspiracy: If you’ve prepped well, you’ve packed a variety of snacks in your seemingly tiny bag—everything from trail mix to key lime pie. Why pay for overpriced theater snacks when you can bring your own?
- The Late Arrivals: The longer you search for a seat away from noisy eaters, the more likely it is that someone will enter the theater at the last moment, crinkling candy wrappers and rustling popcorn bags with abandon.
- The 3D Grasp: If you’re indulging in a 3D film, expect at least one child to reach out for the imaginary objects floating on screen. This is a universal truth.
- The Full Row: Even if you’ve ensured your kids visit the restroom before the film, you will still find yourself seated among children who seem to have not used the restroom in days. Consider wearing closed-toe shoes for protection.
- The ICEE Dilemma: Your child will undoubtedly request an ICEE, only to take a few sips before producing a symphony of slurping and air bubble sounds with the straw for the remainder of the film.
- The Question Machine: Younger children are often the most inquisitive, bombarding you with questions throughout the movie. You may find yourself nodding along, even if you don’t fully grasp the inquiries.
- The Unwavering Enthusiasm: Regardless of the movie’s quality, your child will proclaim it the “BEST MOVIE EVER” and will discuss it with fervor for hours post-viewing.
- The Pop Quiz: Prepare for an impromptu assessment on your favorite and least favorite parts of the film. Making mental notes during the movie is highly recommended.
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In summary, the experience of taking children to the movies is governed by a series of humorous yet frustrating laws. By preparing for the chaos, you can turn a potentially stressful outing into a memorable family event.
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