Parents of high school seniors are well aware of the emotional challenges posed by the college admissions process. This period can feel like a true test of parenting, often straining the relationship that has developed over the past 18 years. You may find yourself questioning if the bond you once shared will ever return to its previous state. The looming prospect of an impending separation, both physically and emotionally, only heightens these feelings.
During the fall of my daughter’s senior year, I decided to switch topics from the stress of college essays and applications to something more lighthearted—the summer before her transition to college.
“Emily, have you thought about what you want to do this summer?”
She halted abruptly and replied with a hint of teenage arrogance, “I don’t know yet, but the summer before college is supposed to be the best summer of my life.”
That caught me off guard. What did she mean by “the best summer of her life”? Was she planning to sleep in, hang out with friends, and distance herself from family?
Reflecting on my own pre-college summer, I remembered working as a counselor at a day camp, driving a van full of rambunctious kids every day. It was enjoyable, mainly due to some cute fellow counselors, but not particularly thrilling. I spent my evenings with friends at the beach, not prioritizing time with my parents. I assumed they would always be around while my friends and I headed in different directions.
Where did she get this notion of “the best summer”? I didn’t want to dismiss her excitement, so I let the conversation rest.
Later on, as the stress of college admissions eased, she reintroduced the idea of summer plans. Inspired by a story she read about a mother-daughter travel adventure, she suggested we do something similar. She craved quality time and thought that traveling together would ensure that.
To my surprise, she was the one initiating this time together. I had always been the one chasing after her! I debated whether this aligned with all the parenting advice I had absorbed about granting space for independence. Ultimately, I chose to embrace the opportunity; she was leaving soon, and I wanted to treasure every moment.
Then came her requests. She wanted to take charge of planning—deciding where to go, what to see, and where to eat—while leaving the logistical details like flights and accommodations to me. I agreed to her terms.
She chose Spain as our destination and meticulously planned our itinerary, researching local attractions and culinary specialties. As I don’t speak Spanish, I relied on her as my translator. It was a unique shift in our dynamic, where she was in control, and I was the one following her lead.
During our travels, we spent hours on planes and trains reading Glitter and Glue and The Joy Luck Club, both perfectly complementing our experiences. At night, we shared conversations about different mother-daughter dynamics, reflecting on our own relationship.
Witnessing my daughter evolve from a teenager into a confident young adult, capable of navigating unfamiliar cities, was a remarkable gift. Although she oscillated between childlike behavior—like misplacing her passport—and adult responsibilities, those moments allowed me to step in as the responsible one when needed.
One of the most memorable evenings was spent dining at an outdoor café, where she sought my insights about my college years and asked for advice on maximizing her own experience. We discussed balancing enjoyment with responsibility, the importance of involvement without overcommitment, and the value of setting both short- and long-term goals. That night, we stayed up late reminiscing over childhood photos, strengthening our connection.
As summer drew to a close and the days sped by, we found ourselves in her dorm room, embracing and saying goodbye. The summer had come to an end, but I ensured she had a photo of us from Barcelona on her wall as a memento.
It’s important to note that you don’t need to travel abroad to bond with your child; something as simple as a weekend camping trip or a local adventure can be meaningful. Establishing special time during the summer before college is essential.
For now, my daughter regards our summer together as the best of her life, but I recognize she has many wonderful summers ahead. For me, it was undeniably one of my “best summers,” providing cherished memories and helping to ease the emotional distance that was about to grow.
This article originally published on May 26, 2013.
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Summary:
Navigating the emotional landscape of your child’s transition to college can be challenging. A summer trip can provide an invaluable opportunity for connection and growth. By embracing these moments, parents can foster a sense of closeness before the inevitable separation begins.
Keyphrase: summer before college
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