Years ago, before I became acquainted with the daily aches and discomforts of adulthood, I held an entirely misguided view of hemorrhoids. Back then, I believed they were among the most repugnant conditions known to humankind. I was convinced that if I were ever faced with such a fate, I would be mortified beyond belief. In my youthful ignorance, I thought hemorrhoids were solely the plight of the elderly, the overweight, or those who opted for cheap toilet paper. I certainly never expected to experience them myself.
Then I became pregnant.
Expectant mothers will readily attest that hemorrhoids are an unfortunate side effect of carrying a child. It stands to reason: adding an extra 40 to 60 pounds of weight? That’s a recipe for hemorrhoids. The pressure exerted on your rectum as your uterus expands? Yes, that’s a pregnancy-related hemorrhoid. Straining for hours only to produce a tiny, hard stool? Oh, you can bet that’s another hemorrhoid.
It’s also worth noting that hemorrhoids can develop after childbirth due to the physical strain of labor. Congratulations on your new baby!
For me, pregnancy was my unwelcome introduction to hemorrhoids, and I’ve been dealing with them ever since. There are two types to be aware of: “external” hemorrhoids, which are the bulging, often itchy, and painful ones that prompt you to reach for a special cushion; and “internal” hemorrhoids, which are less visible but can lead to alarming symptoms, such as bright red bleeding from the rectum. This experience triggers a series of panicked thoughts every time:
- Did I just get my period?
- Out of my rectum?
- No.
- It’s not my period.
- Definitely from my anus.
- OH MY GOD, I’M BLEEDING OUT OF MY ANUS.
- This can only mean…
- There’s no other explanation.
- It has to be…
- BUTTHOLE CANCER.
Just when you’re about to share your impending doom with your loved ones, you remember to consult WebMD (again), and inevitably, the result is “hemorrhoids” (again). And thus, the cycle continues.
Unfortunately, in my current stage of life, hemorrhoids have become a regular occurrence. Whether it’s a long time between flare-ups or an especially painful episode, they seem to linger in the background, always ready to return. My perception has shifted from thinking of hemorrhoids as an issue for the elderly or those with poor hygiene to acknowledging them as an unfortunate reality of life. Now, I often find myself thinking:
- Ugh.
- Not again.
- Why did I indulge in that spicy curry?
- I’m pretty sure that dish was more “medium” than “mild.”
- Ouch.
- Is this toilet paper or did someone just sandblast my rear?
- Where’s that soothing cream?
- …just out of reach…
- Almost there…
- Ahhh!
- HONEY? WHERE’S MY CUSHION?
- The… WHAT CUSHION?
- THE HEMORRHOID CUSHION!
- Is he oblivious?
In conclusion, hemorrhoids have become an uncomfortable yet integral part of my life. They are unwelcome guests, yet they seem to have taken up permanent residence. Welcome to my body, hemorrhoids—make yourselves at home.
For further reading on the topic, you might find useful information through resources such as Cleveland Clinic, which offers insights into pregnancy and home insemination.
If you’re considering options for family planning, check out Make A Mom’s Cryobaby Home Insemination Kit or their BabyMaker Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo for more authoritative insights.
Summary:
In this article, we delve into the reality of hemorrhoids, especially as they relate to pregnancy. The author shares her journey from ignorance to acceptance of this common condition, highlighting both external and internal types and their symptoms. Hemorrhoids, often seen as a taboo subject, are presented with humor and honesty, illustrating that they are a frequent occurrence for many women.
Keyphrase: hemorrhoids during pregnancy
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