Updated: August 3, 2016
Originally Published: February 25, 2013
“I really need her to understand that this behavior is unacceptable,” I expressed to my partner. “She can’t grow up believing that…” My thought trailed off, lost in the weight of the topic at hand.
Every child has a range of lessons they must grasp before reaching adulthood; however, what if your child’s future is uncertain? What if the time you have together is limited? Does it diminish the importance of teaching them fundamental social skills, such as sharing and appropriate behavior, especially if they may never reach adulthood?
This is a harrowing reality that some families face. Imagine being told by a medical professional that your child’s time might be running out. How do you choose to spend those precious moments?
I grappled with this very question when my daughter, Lily, was diagnosed at four months with what was initially deemed a potentially fatal genetic condition. It wasn’t until she approached her third birthday that I learned she likely would not succumb to it. This period was fraught with emotional turmoil, but interwoven with the intense fears of losing a child were the everyday decisions of parenting—decisions that often aren’t covered in typical parenting literature.
How does one enforce discipline on a child who may not be present to benefit from that guidance? Should you even attempt to instill discipline at all? While uncomfortable to contemplate, these questions are painfully relevant.
Throughout Lily’s infancy and toddler years, I was uncertain whether the lessons I was imparting were valuable. Parenting books offered no insights on disciplining a child facing mortality; there were no articles addressing the nuances of raising a terminally ill child. I sought solace among other mothers in similar situations, but we were all navigating this uncharted territory without a clear path forward.
Now that Lily is six, I reflect on our journey with gratitude for her continued presence. I’ve witnessed the heartache of mothers whose children did not survive, and while we never discovered a definitive method for disciplining children with terminal illnesses, we did learn invaluable lessons along the way.
Key Insights for Discipline in Unique Circumstances:
- Flexibility is Essential: Each family must determine what works best for their unique circumstances. When facing such profound challenges, traditional parenting strictures may not apply. If a particular approach suits your family dynamic, embrace it.
- No Judgments Permitted: When it comes to parenting a child with a limited lifespan, unsolicited advice and judgment from others should be disregarded. The choices you make in caring for your child are deeply personal, and external opinions should not contribute to your stress.
- Embracing Fluidity: While many advocate for structured parenting, life can disrupt even the best-laid plans. Allow yourself the grace to adapt your parenting style to the realities you face. Your child’s needs may change, and accommodating that is not only acceptable, it’s necessary.
- Let Go of Regrets: All parents harbor some regrets, but when time is precious, dwelling on what could have been is a disservice. Focus on maximizing the quality of the moments you share.
When the time comes to reflect on the memories of your child, let them be filled with joy and love. How you choose to navigate this journey is entirely your own.
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Summary
Disciplining a child with a limited lifespan requires a unique approach, emphasizing flexibility, the absence of judgment, and the importance of cherishing moments. Each family must carve out their own path, allowing for adaptation and minimizing regrets. Ultimately, the focus should be on creating joyful memories in the time you have together.
Keyphrase: discipline for children with limited lifespans
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