As I prepared for childbirth, I had high hopes for my baby’s appearance. An unattractive baby was certainly not part of my birth plan. I was convinced my little one would be exceptionally beautiful; after all, hybrid babies tend to be stunning. Still skeptical? Just think of Beyoncé and Jason Momoa—they are prime examples of the genetic magic I believed was happening within me. I even fantasized about my child emerging in designer attire.
However, the moment I delivered my baby (while exclaiming a rather colorful expletive towards my husband), I sensed something was off. Instead of the anticipated declaration of, “What a beautiful baby girl!” the first words I heard from the nurse were, “Whoa.” I was braced for admiration, but instead, she hurried my newborn to the weighing station and whispered to the doctor, “I thought you said this baby was full-term?”
As I remained in an awkward position, the attending nurse remarked, “Wow, she has a significant Mongolian spot.”
Excuse me! Where’s my celebratory drink, and where is my baby? My husband, curious about the commotion, approached and burst into laughter. “Looks like she needed a bit more time in there,” he joked.
I was desperate for a drink. “Can someone please bring me my child?” I shouted, frustration mounting.
“The Apgar score is good,” the head nurse chimed in, attempting to reassure me. Just then, my mother, who had been observing, decided to join in the commentary. “What’s a Mongolian spot?” she asked, unable to stifle a giggle. “Ron,” she called to my father, who was outside the room, “The baby has your belly!”
My father entered the room but didn’t laugh. He leaned in and whispered, “Is it because she came out so quickly?”
“Faster than an Olympic luge racer,” my husband quipped, still chuckling.
As the doctor continued with postpartum procedures, I felt a wave of irritation. “Can I please have my champagne and my baby?” I yelled.
Eventually, they obliged. Thank goodness I asked for that drink, because wow, my baby wasn’t exactly what I had envisioned. Yet, as I gazed into her big, curious eyes and her unique little face, my heart softened—until she decided to relieve herself on my chest.
Welcome to the world, my unconventional child. I promised myself I would love you unconditionally.
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Summary
This article humorously recounts the author’s experience of childbirth, where her expectations of having a beautiful baby clashed with the reality of her newborn’s appearance. Despite initial disappointment, she ultimately embraces her unique child with love and humor, highlighting the unpredictable nature of parenting.
Keyphrase: ugly baby experience
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