At 37, I found myself entering the world of motherhood a bit late. During my first ultrasound, my obstetrician casually referred to me as an “elderly primigravida.” I thought, “Did he just call me elderly? What’s happening down there?” I mean, was my uterus sprouting chin hairs? After a brief explanation, I learned that “elderly primigravida” simply refers to a pregnant woman over 34. Fantastic—so my reproductive system is one bingo chip short of a full set!
Since that moment, I’ve developed some strong opinions about certain terms used in motherhood. Here’s a concise list of motherhood phrases that I believe should be retired:
- Baby Bump: Why can’t we just call it a “belly”? It seems someone thought pregnancy needed a more exotic label. “Oh, look at your baby bump!” Really? “You should probably treat that with some topical cream.” Can we just call it what it is?
- Pump and Dump: I have to admit, I’ve used this phrase, usually influenced by a large cocktail. While it does accurately describe the act of expressing breast milk after a drink, the imagery it conjures is less than appealing. Let’s think of something else, like “protecting the baby’s liver” or “enjoying a guilt-free mojito.”
- Push Present: When did this become a trend? A gift for giving birth? While the effort is appreciated, let’s remember—this isn’t a favor to dads; it’s simply a biological requirement. Beyond that, the phrase itself is a bit absurd. Can you imagine the scene? A woman in labor, and out pops a beautifully wrapped box instead of a baby. How ludicrous!
- DD, DS, and DH: Seriously? “Dear daughter,” “dear son,” and “dear husband”? Why not just use “daughter,” “son,” and “husband”? It’s as if we’re treating our loved ones like bureaucratic entities. I prefer to keep my family titles simple and relatable, not formal and distant.
- Mucus Plug: This is a medical term, but it’s far too graphic. I propose we find a euphemism for this. How about “baby stopper” or “stork cork”? I’m open to suggestions on this one.
- Effaced: While this term describes the thinning of the cervix before birth, it’s misleading. Until I took a birthing class, I thought it meant something entirely different! Instead of “effaced,” can we just say “thinned”? After nine months, it’s nice to hear something is getting thinner—even if it’s a delicate area.
- Fur Baby: I get the affection for pets, but calling them “fur babies” is a stretch. My dog is a beloved member of the family, but she doesn’t require the same care as my child. Let’s reserve the term “baby” for those who actually require diaper changes and midnight feedings.
In conclusion, these terms can be entertaining or endearing, but they often miss the mark. If you’ve used any of these phrases, don’t worry—you’re not alone. For further insights on pregnancy and related topics, consider exploring resources like Women’s Health, or for those interested in starting their journey into motherhood, check out this at-home insemination kit and the impregnator at-home insemination kit.
Keyphrase: Motherhood Terms
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