Updated: Dec. 21, 2020
Originally Published: Dec. 30, 2012
An “adult coloring book” typically features intricate illustrations with mature themes, like flora or spirituality. The concept is that you purchase one of these books at the checkout counter of your local supermarket after enduring a day filled with unsolicited advice, toddler meltdowns, and a catastrophic diaper incident in the dairy aisle that has forever altered your yogurt purchasing habits. At the end of such a day, you might find a moment of respite to curl up on the couch with a set of colored pencils, focusing on the minutiae of detailed drawings to create what might only be described as a dizzying mandala.
I admit, I find solace in these activities, perhaps because I embrace the chaos of parenthood. This is why I created my own adult coloring book specifically for new parents. The illustrations are intended to provide a calming escape as you reflect on your daily adventures of narrowly avoiding calamity. Color in the image of a tiny, wailing baby with a (generous) glass of wine beside you and a marker that your pet has just attempted to consume. Try to ignore the scent that wafts from you, a delightful blend of baby spit-up and stale diapers. Namaste.
Drawing 1: The Moment You Finally Secure Your Baby in the Car Seat, Only for Them to Have a Diaper Explosion
Clara Johnson
Mark Anderson
Did you have plans for the day? Not if your child has anything to do with it. The likelihood that your baby will have a messy diaper incident as soon as you get them strapped into their car seat is nearly guaranteed. Take a moment to enjoy this drawing and recall the pediatrician’s disapproving look when you arrive late, after waiting an eternity for your appointment anyway.
Drawing 2: An Elderly Woman in the Grocery Store Parking Lot Scolds You for Not Putting Socks on Your Baby on a 60-Degree Day
Clara Johnson
You will quickly discover the abundance of unsolicited advice that becomes available as soon as you have a child. Once you venture out in public, watch as well-meaning strangers emerge from nowhere to inform you that you’re “doing it wrong.” “Did you know that your baby could develop lifelong ear issues if they don’t wear a hat for a few seconds?” or “Is your child trying to escape from the high chair?” Instead of engaging, you might consider humorously informing them that your little one’s favorite snack is dog hair and that pants are optional in your household.
Drawing 3: You Turn Your Back for Just a Second, and Your Baby Is Now Eating Driveway Gravel
Clara Johnson
Driveway gravel is simply a mineral, right? One of the first lessons I learned as a new parent is that no amount of cleaning will keep your floors free of unwanted snacks. My little one seems to possess an innate ability to find every crumb and piece of debris in the house. She will consume anything from a forgotten pretzel to, yes, even the gravel outside. She is always hungry.
Drawing 4: Your Baby Rejects Pants, Especially in Public, and Everyone Is Judging You
Clara Johnson
The only thing your baby seems to dislike more than pants is sitting still. Pants become a barrier to your efforts to appear as a competent parent. If you manage to get them on, they will be stripped off in a matter of seconds, leaving you to contend with the stares of onlookers. Refer to Drawing 3 for further context, and accept that you may be destined for public scrutiny.
Congratulations on embarking on this artistic journey! Finding time for yourself as a mother is crucial. When I’m not tending to my delightful child or engaged in coloring, I often find myself donning a worn-out sweatsuit, rocking in a corner, and yelling, “Don’t touch me!” at my partner. I recommend using colored pencils over markers for this creative outlet.
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In summary, parenthood is a wild ride filled with unexpected challenges and the constant need to adapt. Embrace the chaos, indulge in a little creativity, and remember that you are not alone on this journey.
Keyphrase: A Coloring Book for New Parents
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