I began saying “yes” from a young age. It’s a common trait among girls, you might say. In the classroom, during chaotic bus rides, and at sleepovers, my instinct was to agree. Whether it was boys with awkward haircuts or quirky teachers in outdated clothing, I was quick to say yes to whatever was asked of me. I even nodded in agreement to the requests of neighbors and clerks, and yes, even to the nun in the church basement.
This behavior started in middle school, or perhaps even earlier. I may not have appeared to be a quintessential “yes-girl” at first glance—a girl with a unique hairstyle and colorful attire. I had friends, albeit a small circle, and I was known for my laughter and willingness to participate. I raised my hand frequently, eager to answer questions, but my academic performance was just average. Overall, I was simply… nice.
Yet beneath this pleasing exterior was a more complex reality. It took me years to confront this truth, but I’ve come to recognize a persistent struggle: I struggle to say “no.”
It’s not that I lack the ability to utter the word itself. I can articulate the “n” sound and follow it with a drawn-out “o.” I can even express my refusal during casual conversations. “No way, did you just say that’s on sale? No!” I can shout it in frustration or direct it at my own reflection. However, when someone asks me to care for their high-maintenance pet while they embark on a lengthy adventure, I find myself saying yes against my better judgment.
If the parakeet has specific dietary needs that require extensive effort on my part, my answer remains the same: yes. If I’m asked to provide daily updates via phone calls at odd hours, the answer is still yes. This tendency to agree has become a lifelong condition for me—one that leads to being the sole organizer of events, the last to arrive at gatherings, and often the one sacrificing my own needs for others.
This affliction, which I call “Excessive Yes-ing,” lacks a remedy. Despite extensive research into self-help solutions, none resonate with me. I often ponder whether this inclination stems from social pressures on women my age (I’ve celebrated my 29th birthday six times now). From a young age, we were led to believe that we could achieve anything—a career, love, and family. But with those opportunities came expectations.
When we expressed ambitions like wanting to be President, our parents beamed with pride, affirming our potential. Yet, they also subtly encouraged adherence to societal norms—pressuring us to conform to the same paths our mothers took. We could pursue lofty goals, but by a certain age, inquiries about relationships and family began to surface. We were expected to say yes to those life choices too.
The notion that “nice girls say yes” is ingrained in us. Even if our initial instinct as toddlers was to say “no,” we quickly learned that agreement brings happiness, rewards, and approval. A simple yes grants us treats, affection, and the reassurance that we won’t disappoint others.
Now, as a mother, I strive to teach my daughter that it’s perfectly acceptable to say “no.” This is a challenging lesson, often leading to conflicts between us. Yet, I am determined that she does not inherit my tendency to please others at the expense of her own desires.
How many women, like me, feel obligated to say yes, even when it goes against their better judgment? How many are caught up in commitments that drain their energy and time, simply because they do not know how to assert boundaries?
In the end, it’s essential for women to recognize that saying no is a valid choice. For resources on navigating pregnancy and home insemination, I recommend exploring this excellent resource on IVF and fertility preservation. Additionally, if you’re interested in learning more about home insemination options, check out this informative post as well as this one on an at-home insemination kit.
Summary
The tendency to say “yes” can be a heavily conditioned response for many women, often rooted in societal expectations and a desire to please others. As we navigate our roles, it is crucial to embrace the power of saying “no” in order to assert our needs and boundaries.
Keyphrase: “struggle to say no”
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]