By: Rachael Johnson
Updated: Jan. 5, 2016
Originally Published: Oct. 10, 2012
Tomorrow, someone will likely inquire about my recent visit to see my sister and her six-month-old twin sons in Houston. My response will probably be, “Oh my god, it was such a disaster,” before I delve into a detailed and slightly exaggerated account of how I had to check my carry-on bag during the first leg of the flight. This led to me losing access to a crucial sweater and a pair of old sneakers, even if only for a short time. Upon arrival, the airline even misplaced my luggage (again, briefly). Instead of reminiscing about the joy of holding my baby nephews and reconnecting with family, I will focus on the nightmare of my flight being canceled on the way home, which forced me to endure a long night at a Holiday Inn Express – without a bar, mind you!
Initially, I may try to keep the airline’s name under wraps, but once pressed, I will reveal it was US Airways and share the troubling news that nearly everyone I know who has flown with them in the last three years has encountered issues (and as I continue, that number will surely grow). I’ll shake my head in dismay at the overall decline in customer service across industries. After a seemingly endless rant of complaints, I will add, “But other than that, I truly enjoyed my time.”
Why is it that I gravitate toward focusing on the negatives? What compels me to share the bad experiences instead of the uplifting moments? I suspect many of us, especially women, have a shared affinity for complaining, and I have a few theories to explain this tendency:
1. Engaging Storytelling
It’s often easier to craft a compelling narrative around drama or mishaps than to discuss peaceful moments. I enjoy telling stories that captivate my audience; who wants to hear about a perfectly pleasant experience? Relaying tales of delayed flights, tornado warnings, and baby mishaps engages listeners far more effectively. Throw in some food poisoning and a run-in with the authorities, and you might just have a bestseller!
2. Avoiding Bragging
No one enjoys hearing someone boast about their fabulous adventures. “Let me tell you about the AMAZING time I had with my stunning sisters and perfect nephews. Everything was just so ideal.” Are you rolling your eyes yet? While I’m exaggerating for comedic effect, it can be frustrating to listen to someone bragging about their perfect weekend while you’re just trying to remember the last time you had a quiet moment. Instead, we prefer to share relatable experiences that invite laughter or commiseration rather than irritation.
3. The Martyr Complex
Complaining about one’s own struggles can sometimes serve as a way to demonstrate moral superiority. This concept has been around for ages, and we often find ourselves trying to connect with others through our shared hardships. “Sure, I spent two weeks in paradise,” we might say, “but my lei was too short, and the pineapples were underwhelming – it was almost unbearable!” This approach can backfire, as envy can easily overshadow sympathy.
4. Cultural Influences
Gather a group of women, and you’ll likely hear much complaining, self-deprecation, and explanations. Rather than accepting compliments, we often deflect them or downplay our achievements. It seems we are more comfortable communicating in a manner that avoids us being seen as overly proud or conceited. I’m hopeful that societal shifts will help change this narrative and allow women to embrace their accomplishments.
5. Genetic Predisposition
I come from a long line of complainers; nearly every elder in my family takes “How are you?” as a prompt to recount their latest health woes. Family gatherings often devolve into competitions over who has it worse. As we age, we may feel increasingly entitled to air our grievances. It’s a way of asserting, “Despite everything that life throws my way, I’m still here, and I have a story to tell.”
In essence, our inclination to complain often serves as a means of asserting resilience in the face of challenges, allowing us to share our experiences with others. Whether it’s about navigating travel woes or the trials of parenthood, we find comfort in connecting over shared struggles and perhaps even gleaning a bit of humor from them.
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Summary
Complaining often arises from various social dynamics and personal inclinations. It serves as a tool for storytelling, a mechanism to bond over shared experiences, a cultural norm, and a trait that can seem almost hereditary. Ultimately, it’s a way of asserting our resilience and connecting with others in an often challenging world.
Keyphrase: Why people complain
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