Updated: Aug. 18, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 14, 2021
This morning, I set my alarm for 6 AM, hoping for a precious hour of solitude before my children would need my attention. (Let’s be honest, I’m essentially on duty around the clock, especially with a newborn in the house.) My little one woke at 4:45 AM for a feeding, and after settling her back down at 5 AM, I felt an unexpected surge of energy. It was the first time in ages that she had slept for an impressive stretch—SIX POINT SEVEN FIVE HOURS! A moment of triumph! I could have enjoyed a hot cup of coffee without interruption, blogged, exercised, showered, or maybe even accomplished all of the above before 7 AM, when my partner would require me to take over parenting duties for work.
Instead of delighting in this rare moment of freedom, I did the very thing I vowed not to do when I set the alarm the night before. I drew the curtains tighter, snuggled into my warm bed, wrapped the covers snugly around me, and fell back asleep, which is a habit of mine.
As I drifted off once more, I made a silent commitment: when I woke two hours later, I would not berate myself for being lazy and missing out on productive moments, particularly the exercise I felt I desperately needed. Instead, I would treat myself with the same kindness I would extend to a friend in my situation.
I would reassure my friend, “Have you lost your mind? You successfully shed the baby weight from your first pregnancy, and you will do it again! Just don’t expect it to happen overnight. Give yourself grace; you have a SEVEN-WEEK-OLD BABY.”
I would remind her, “Sure, it’s fantastic that your baby slept well last night, but one good night of sleep doesn’t erase the exhaustion of the past seven weeks.”
I would encourage her, “You are balancing so much right now, so it’s perfectly fine if your blog isn’t getting updated.”
And I would say, “Let’s be real; you nursed the same cup of coffee all morning long, even before you had kids. Enjoying a hot cup of coffee has always been more of a dream than a reality.”
When I finally got out of bed around 7 AM, I felt surprisingly refreshed. I wasn’t exactly ready to shout “Hurray for the day!” (a phrase borrowed from my toddler), but I realized that I had not accomplished my initial goal of waking up at the intended time. However, I wouldn’t judge a friend harshly for turning off her alarm after a night of tending to a baby, and neither should I do that to myself.
We all know the Golden Rule: treat others as you wish to be treated. It’s often easy to extend kindness to others, but why is self-compassion so challenging? So, here’s my alternate version of the Golden Rule: Treat yourself as you would treat others. I pledge to be more mindful of this principle.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the importance of self-kindness in the challenging journey of parenting, especially after having a newborn. It emphasizes treating oneself with the same care and understanding that one would offer a friend. By recognizing the unrealistic expectations often placed on new parents, we can foster a more compassionate internal dialogue.
Keyphrase: self-kindness in parenting
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