At times, I glance around at the chaotic circus that is my household and think, “This could be Reality TV material. Someone should pitch us a show.” However, the quick answer would be a resounding NO. Here’s why:
- My children believe that wearing clothes at home is optional.
- I have three boys who predominantly converse about bodily functions—think butts, poop, and farts. For example, my older boys find it hilarious to ask Little Timmy, “What is half poodle and half poodle?” to which he responds, “Poo Poo!”
- On occasion, I lose track of my youngest. While I’m occupied washing dishes, suddenly I’m unsure of where our almost two-year-old is. Typically, he’s either flooding the toilet with wet wipes or climbing to dangerous heights. If this were filmed, it would likely result in a call from CPS. (I do try to keep bathroom doors closed and remove the ladder post-nap to prevent falls.)
- Sometimes, I do know where he is. He’s pushed a chair to the high counter and is standing on it. And yes, I’m taking pictures instead of intervening.
- We have yet to master the art of “volume control.” Our home is perpetually LOUD! One child, in particular, can reach decibel levels that make my eardrums vibrate. Even bedtime isn’t peaceful. Last night, he shouted “Mama” repeatedly for two minutes, then sweetly declared, “I love you,” which makes it hard to complain.
- My boys adore playing with Legos, which I wholeheartedly support as it encourages creativity. However, Legos are everywhere. The formal dining room, which I envisioned for elegant dinner parties, has become the “Lego room.” I’d cringe at the thought of cameras rolling when I “accidentally” vacuum some up. This is why I can’t help but laugh at young couples on house-hunting shows discussing spaces for entertaining.
- I often drop my oldest off at school in my pajamas, with the younger ones usually dressed similarly. Last week, Middle Child was in nothing but his underwear. Remember, clothing is optional. And yes, I’m usually driving with one hand while clutching my coffee in the other.
- While the cameras might capture sweet moments, like Middle Child tenderly patting his brother’s face and whispering “I love you,” the editing would likely focus on the chaos—like when the big boys are wrestling or when I’m frantically asking, “Where are your shoes? Brush your teeth! Hurry! We have to go!”
- Our breakfast choices can be unconventional. Middle Child is known for requesting popcorn or even tilapia in the morning.
- I find myself using a plunger almost daily. Whether it’s the endless wet wipes or random toys getting flushed, it’s a constant battle.
- My house is only “company clean” for a few hours each month. I employ a housekeeper twice a month, but I must clean before she arrives. The result is a momentary state of pristine cleanliness that lasts only until the kids return from school. It’s never “cameras rolling” clean.
- Once, I accidentally locked my oldest son and my cellphone in the car at a Kohl’s parking lot. Thankfully, a kind stranger called the fire department, and it wasn’t too hot or cold. My son slept through the eight-minute wait for rescue. It was during the time when Britney Spears was facing her struggles, and I thought, “I’m grateful I’m not in her shoes with cameras on my every move.”
What would your home reveal if it were under surveillance?
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Summary
While the chaotic nature of parenting is often entertaining, the reality of filming it would likely lead to overwhelming challenges and unflattering moments. From the lack of clothing to the daily messes and noise, the reality of my home life is far from what would make captivating television.
Keyphrase: Reality TV and Parenting
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