This week, my son decided that sleep was no longer a priority. Yes, you read that correctly—he just stopped sleeping. Unsurprisingly, I am exhausted.
After a night of complete sleep deprivation, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to take both of my boys to Target after their so-called nap (I use the term “nap” quite loosely). The goal was to take advantage of a diaper sale, grab four enormous boxes, and pass the time. I figured that if we stayed home, I would likely doze off, leaving my children to potentially set the house ablaze.
However, the trip to Target did not unfold as I had envisioned. It quickly became one of the more chaotic outings we’ve experienced. I’ll spare you the minutiae, but the reality hit me hard during the drive home. I realized I had no bedtime to look forward to, thanks to my son’s newfound ability to stay awake all night and mysteriously appear at my side.
In a moment of frustration, hot tears streamed down my face, leading to an ugly cry. Suddenly, clarity struck me like a light bulb: I cannot have more children. I’ve reached my limit. This is it.
I am a weary mother of two boys. While I have a deep desire for more children, managing the ones I already have feels overwhelming enough. The thought of not experiencing pregnancy again, or missing out on having a daughter to guide through significant milestones—like prom or wedding dress shopping—left me feeling despondent. My outing escalated into a whirlwind of emotion.
There are days when I question whether having two children was a mistake. Some days, it feels like we are not cut out for this parenting gig. It’s hard, and I worry about the potential of messing them up. Other days, I feel like we are rocking this parenting thing and contemplate the possibility of having five more kids!
Then, there came today. Following my emotional breakdown, I had a revelation. It dawned on me that I don’t need to know how many kids I will have right now.
People frequently ask questions like:
- Will you have more kids?
- When will you try for a girl?
- I can’t believe you aren’t expecting again yet.
- You’re done having kids, right?
- Are you on birth control?
Typically, I give a lengthy explanation about how we had intended to wait longer between our first two, but since they are so close in age, we plan to hold off on a third. Unless, of course, it happens unexpectedly, as we are not entirely in control of these situations. We want to wait until my partner finishes college or until our current children are out of diapers—or at least more independent. Ultimately, we think we’d like three or four kids eventually.
But as of today, my response to those inquiries is simple: “We have no idea, and you’ll probably find out when we do.”
The future could unfold in one of two ways—either we will have more children, or we won’t. It’s not something that needs resolution at this moment. After all, in my 26.5 years on Earth, I’ve learned that plans rarely unfold as expected. If they did, I would be a stylish mother with perfect children and a flawless marriage, adept at baking, rocking a bikini, sleeping soundly, and possessing ample free time.
The reality is unpredictable. Even if we decided we wanted two more children, we might not have any. Conversely, if we were certain we didn’t want any more, we could end up with two additional kids. Uncertainty is part of the journey. I don’t mind when people inquire about our future family plans; I genuinely don’t. However, I’m realizing it’s perfectly acceptable to not have a clear plan right now. Ultimately, the timing is beyond our control.
So, while our family may not be finalized yet, it is certainly whole for the time being. For those interested in exploring options for starting or expanding your family, resources like American Pregnancy provide excellent guidance. If you are considering at-home insemination, you might find the CryoBaby At Home Insemination Kit or the Impregnator At Home Insemination Kit helpful.
Summary:
In the midst of a chaotic parenting journey, a mother reflects on the challenges of raising her two boys and grapples with questions about expanding her family. Despite desires for more children, she confronts her limitations and embraces the uncertainty of future family plans, recognizing that not knowing is part of the parenting experience.
Keyphrase: Family Planning Uncertainty
Tags: “home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”