As of September 16, 2013, I have been a single parent for four months. Adjusting to this new dynamic, particularly managing the endless inquiries from my four-year-old daughter, Lily, has proven to be one of the most challenging aspects. Thankfully, my one-year-old son, Noah, is still young enough that he doesn’t voice his questions; his confusion can be soothed with extra hugs and a reliable nap schedule.
One evening, Lily was up crying for her dad. As I held her close, I tried to maintain my composure while wiping away my tears. I attempted to explain that he still loves her dearly but made a poor choice to step away from our family. It’s difficult to articulate complex adult issues to such a young child, especially when I struggle to comprehend them myself.
Even after four months since my marriage ended, I find myself crying almost nightly and replaying Lily’s questions in my mind, searching for answers. It’s incredibly tough to keep my family functioning when I feel shattered into countless pieces. Balancing parenting duties, work, education, friendships, and social life can be overwhelming, especially on days when I lack the energy to take even one step forward. Patience is hard to muster, and maintaining a calm demeanor feels nearly impossible when all I want to do is scream or retreat from reality.
The struggle is real—taking it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. When I look at my children, especially Noah, I see reminders of their father. The similarity in Noah’s eye color—the way they shift from blue to dark grey when he’s under the weather, the matching ear shapes of both Lily and Noah that echo their dad’s features, and the sweet tooth Lily inherited from many late-night cartoon marathons with him. Their father’s essence runs through their veins, just as mine does.
Eventually, they will ask more profound questions and will be ready for the answers. I aspire to respond with truth and love when that day arrives. The only way to prepare for that moment is to instill love and truth in our daily interactions. I strive to show them love through my actions, express love with my words, and speak of their father in a way that reflects that love. This is the hardest challenge I have faced—not allowing anger to seep into the fractures of my broken heart.
Choosing to love my children more than I cling to bitterness is an active decision. It’s a commitment I must make daily, even if I stumble. There are countless instances when they are unwell, irritable, or crying in the middle of the night, and the temptation to respond with anger is strong due to my exhaustion and frustration that their father isn’t sharing these burdens. However, I remind myself that they feel the same confusion, sadness, and anger that I do. Acknowledging these feelings while embracing the grace that they are my greatest joy is vital.
In those moments, I simply hold them. I embrace them despite the dishes piled in the sink or the overwhelming desire to relax in front of the TV. I hold them when I don’t know how to cope, letting go of anger, bitterness, fear, and anxiety. My prayer is to release my clenched fists and allow my hurt to fall away, wrapping my arms around my children with a love that permeates their very being.
That’s all I can do.
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Summary
This article reflects the emotional journey of a single parent coping with the challenges of raising two young children after a marriage breakdown. It highlights the importance of love, patience, and understanding in nurturing children while dealing with personal grief and frustration. Through it all, the author emphasizes the commitment to choose love over bitterness, creating a supportive environment for her children.
Keyphrase: single parenthood journey
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