Updated: October 21, 2020
Originally Published: March 29, 2012
My mother recently celebrated her 80th birthday. Contrary to any preconceived notions I had about what 80 should look like, she defies those expectations. She doesn’t resemble the stereotypical image of an octogenarian, nor does she exhibit the behaviors often associated with that age. Icons such as Florence Henderson and Willie Nelson are also 80, yet it seems surreal to consider them in that light. But, what insight do we, those of us under 80, truly have about aging, aside from the notion that 80 is the new 70?
Roger Angell penned a poignant piece for The New Yorker about navigating life in his 90s. His reflections offered a glimpse into the enduring power of deep connections and the warmth of love, highlighting that having a loyal companion, like a dog, can enhance that experience.
Interestingly, my mother has never owned a dog. During my childhood, we had a Golden Retriever named Daisy, a pet my mother insisted was for our benefit; she was definitely not a dog lover. Yet, when Daisy experienced seizures, it was my mother who lovingly comforted her until the episodes passed.
In terms of love, my father was her one true soulmate. Though he has passed, he remains a constant presence in her thoughts. I often reflect on how different her life could have been had she chosen to invite someone else into her life after his death. However, for reasons known only to her, she opted not to pursue that path again.
To combat the feelings of invisibility that often accompany aging, she has channeled her energy into creating continuing education courses for her contemporaries. While she embodies many defiance to the clichés of aging, she has slowed down a bit and is quick to decline assistance—unless it involves technology, of course. This stubbornness has been a hallmark of her character long before she reached this age.
During her birthday celebration, we watched old home videos and perused family photographs. Some captured her own childhood—nostalgic glimpses into a time long past. Each summer Sunday, my grandparents’ backyard was a hub for family and friends. Men dressed in ties played cards beneath the trees while women in their finest attire engaged in ping-pong matches. The children would dance and sing to “Ring Around the Rosie.” It was a revelation to see her life through this lens—the richness of a humble immigrant family, united in their American experience.
She was once a dimpled girl with curly locks, who blossomed into a beautiful yet occasionally self-conscious woman, full of aspirations, marrying a man who shared even grander dreams, and eventually building a family of her own.
At the party, she narrated the stories behind the faces in the videos, just as she had done countless times for me during our visits to art galleries, movie theaters, and even while shopping.
A few nights later, as we prepared to leave her home, one of my sons, her youngest grandson and an art student in New York, admired a print of a giant eyeball hanging on her wall. He had inquired about it multiple times over the years, and she once again recounted its story—the artist’s name, origins, and significance. As I surveyed the room, I recognized the artifacts that have defined our family’s journey. Each item resonated with her whispered lessons, imparting wisdom that I embraced at times and overlooked at others.
“It’s yours,” she said to my son regarding the print. “I’ll write your name on the back.”
Our eyes met, and in that moment, I felt an overwhelming wave of emotion. I tried to hold back tears, but inevitably, they flowed. Her words carried a deeper meaning, a subtle reminder of the lessons she continues to share with each passing year.
In conclusion, my mother’s life reflects the enduring importance of connection, storytelling, and love, underscoring the value of embracing both the past and present as we navigate the complexities of aging. For those exploring paths like home insemination, resources such as this article on fertility supplements and information on IVF are invaluable.
Keyphrase: Lessons from My Mother
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