Rethinking Scheduled Play: A Case Against the Modern Playdate

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Updated: June 10, 2021

Originally Published: October 3, 2011

The concept of playdates? I find them quite frustrating. If you wish to invite my children over for a playdate, I might consider it—provided you do not expect a similar invitation in return. I realize this sentiment might not align with contemporary social norms, but hear me out.

When I was young—likely similar to your own experiences—there was no such notion as a “playdate.” If children wanted to engage with one another, they simply knocked on their friends’ doors to ask if they could come out and play. Play was pure and spontaneous, devoid of the scheduling that now seems necessary. Kids would gather to play tag, hide and seek, ride bikes, or even engage in more mischievous activities like toilet-papering houses. All of this occurred without the need for parental oversight or coordination.

The rise of the playdate phenomenon can be traced back to our tendency to over-parent and over-schedule our children today. In addition to school, children now face the burden of an overwhelming amount of homework, which has increased significantly since my youth, along with various extracurricular and enrichment activities. Thus, when children desire to play, it must be meticulously organized into their busy schedules, creating an unnecessary layer of complexity.

I advocate for a return to simpler times when children just showed up at one another’s doors, ready to play outside. Perhaps a kind neighbor would offer popsicles to the group, but the expectation of a prepared snack or organized activities was nonexistent. Furthermore, there was no obligation for parents to socialize simply because their children did. While it’s essential to ensure safety and verify that other caregivers are trustworthy, we need not forge friendships out of obligation. Let’s relieve each other of that pressure.

Honestly, with my hands full caring for my seven children, it’s improbable that you’ll receive an invitation from me to bring your kids over to join mine. I’m not inclined to complicate my life further, and even if I did feel inspired to organize a playdate, my current level of chaos makes it unlikely I’d follow through. I’m often so scattered that simply remembering to change little Mia’s diaper a few times a day is a triumph. Plus, I can’t deny that I tend to raise my voice more often than I’d like.

For the sake of everyone involved, it’s best if your children come to our door and ask if my kids can play outside. Just don’t anticipate any structured activities, organic snacks, or goody bags upon their return. You might even find them coming home with some new habits or a phrase that’s not quite appropriate, courtesy of my children.

While the kids are outside having their adventures, I’ll be enjoying a moment of peace inside with a cocktail, grateful for the temporary reprieve from the delightful chaos that is motherhood.

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In summary, while playdates may seem like a necessary part of modern parenting, embracing a more organic approach can lead to more meaningful interactions and less stress for parents.

Keyphrase: “the importance of unstructured play”

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