In today’s fast-paced world, many parents are finding innovative ways to manage their time, including the option to outsource certain demanding parenting tasks. From professional potty trainers to experts who can help with other challenges, the possibilities are expanding. If I had the chance to delegate any parental responsibilities, here’s what I would choose:
- Shoe Tying: Don’t let the “bunny ears” method fool you; this skill is not as straightforward as it seems. Just when you think your child has mastered it, they get overly ambitious and the whole thing unravels, leaving you to start again for the umpteenth time. I even bought a practice board featuring a shoe with laces—what was I thinking? Unless it comes with a mom cutout to provide encouragement, it’s not particularly effective. And trust me, trying to convince your kids that velcro shoes are cool won’t fool them for long; by the time they’re in middle school, they’ll see through the ruse.
- Bike Riding: No one warned me that teaching a 5-year-old to ride a bike requires peak physical readiness. Despite being a seasoned runner, nothing prepared me for the challenge of supporting a 40-pound child on a 25-pound bike while running awkwardly and offering motivational support, all while they’re shouting, “I CAN’T DO IT!” in my ear. When someone mentions completing a triathlon, I just nod and say, “Oh, I taught two kids to ride bikes,” and watch them go silent.
- Sex Education: Often, this responsibility is unintentionally handed over to the neighborhood peers. Recently, my 4th grader returned home claiming to have received a comprehensive education from some boys on the bus. Initially horrified, I later realized I needed to ensure they understood the basics properly—after all, I couldn’t trust 11-year-olds to get every detail right! Especially not when it comes to things like the belly button’s role, which is rarely relevant unless you’ve had a bit too much to drink.
- Telling Time: With the prevalence of smartphones and digital clocks, I often wonder if learning to read analog clocks is even necessary anymore. However, it is still a skill worth having—just in case your child finds themselves in a situation without access to technology. Teaching this skill at home often leads to amusing misunderstandings, as my 8-year-old struggles with concepts like “quarter ‘til” and how it relates to minutes.
- Waiting in Line: This particularly applies to long queues at amusement parks, especially when the goal is to get an autograph from someone dressed as a beloved cartoon character. Am I the only one aware that this person in costume is just a 23-year-old who has done nothing remarkable? A professional line-waiter should be available to let parents relax with a drink while waiting for their kids to meet their heroes.
- Using a Steak Knife: Knives are inherently dangerous, and teaching kids how to use them safely can be nerve-wracking. I’ve often thought it may be more prudent to let them eat steak like Fred Flintstone—though I’m kidding (mostly).
- Math Fact Review: It feels like we’ve been reviewing math facts forever, and we only have two kids! A typical session goes like this: I ask my 9-year-old what 9 x 4 is, and she responds “48?” close but no cigar. Just when they start to grasp the basics, I realize they need to learn them in reverse order, leading to more confusion. By the end, I’m so exhausted that I just let them have “48” as the answer for the night.
- Swimming Lessons: Trying to teach my kids to swim resembled an aquatic dance competition. I found myself shouting contradictory instructions while they flailed and struggled to keep their heads above water. They simply couldn’t hear me over the splashing.
And the one duty I would certainly outsource in the future:
- Driving: While Driver’s Ed classes exist, I’m particularly apprehensive about the “permit” phase. The thought of a 110-pound teenager piloting a 3,000-pound vehicle makes me uneasy—especially when they still use phrases like “totes adorbs” and frequently watch Disney Channel. I’d much prefer to let my partner handle this responsibility. Just let me know when they’ve mastered merging onto the highway during rush hour.
Although all childhood milestones are significant, and it’s rewarding to be part of them, I sometimes wish we could outsource the physical toll of parenting—the sore backs, blistered hands, and headaches. However, I think I’ll keep my wine habit.
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In summary, while many parenting tasks can be challenging, they also provide invaluable experiences that shape both the parent and child. Embracing these responsibilities, even the difficult ones, can lead to personal growth and memorable moments. However, it’s always nice to dream about outsourcing a few of those more daunting duties!
Keyphrase: Parenting responsibilities outsourcing
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