Cancer has been a recurring nightmare in my family. Both of my grandmothers battled breast cancer, while my great aunt tragically lost her life to ovarian cancer. More recently, several aunts and uncles have also faced breast and prostate cancer diagnoses. The loss of my mother to ovarian cancer in 2011 left me devastated and filled with dread. I felt resigned to the belief that cancer was inevitable for me, to the point where I no longer cared about the little things, like standing in front of the microwave while using my cellphone.
In the years following my mother’s death, I wrestled with profound grief, but alongside it came a paralyzing anxiety about my family’s cancer history. Questions plagued me: Would I succumb to cancer? Would my daughters face the same fate? Who would be next? During an especially anxious period, I found myself reflecting on a peculiar trip to Key West in 2006. While vacationing with my husband, I was drawn to a palm reader’s sign on Duvall Street. One evening, as curiosity got the better of me, I stood in line to consult an elderly man in a long white robe. He analyzed my palm and shared insights that, oddly enough, have lingered in my mind over the years. Despite the absurdity of it, those words provided a strange comfort during my moments of worry.
Fast forward to last year during my annual OB/GYN appointment. My doctor strongly recommended that I undergo BRCA testing, aware of my mother’s ovarian cancer and our family’s history. At the same time, Angelina Jolie’s public discussions about her own preventive surgeries captivated my attention. Her courage inspired me, yet I initially buried the pamphlet about BRCA testing in my desk, overwhelmed by fear and uncertainty. It felt easier to remain ignorant, and I even used the cost of the test as an excuse to postpone it.
As time passed, the idea of BRCA testing continued to haunt me. I grappled with the implications: if I carried the gene, would I undergo a full hysterectomy at just 36? Would I follow in Jolie’s footsteps and opt for a double mastectomy? Then, one day, I decided to take the plunge and scheduled the test. I realized I owed it to my daughters. If I tested positive, they would be informed and could make their own choices. Conversely, if I was negative, I wouldn’t pass on a gene I didn’t have. Once the appointment was set, I felt a surprising sense of calm.
The day of the visit was fraught with stress. The nurse initially didn’t recognize my appointment for the BRCA test, leading to delays. When I was finally seen, instead of a blood draw, I was instructed to perform a Buccal Wash—gathering saliva and rinsing with Listerine into vials. Three vials of this mixture were sent to a lab in Utah.
Then began the long wait for insurance approval, which took nearly six weeks. After extensive reviews, my insurer deemed me at “substantial risk.” Finally, I awaited the arrival of a letter from Myriad Laboratories, a symbol of my future. Those weeks were filled with sleepless nights and anxiety, as I worried about potentially passing a harmful gene to my daughters. I spent hours researching preventive measures and feared that my husband might not find me attractive if I changed physically due to surgery.
Then, one afternoon in late July, the white envelope arrived. With trembling hands, I called my husband at work. “I don’t have the genes. None of them.” Tears of relief streamed down my face, and my daughters noticed. They hugged me tightly, confused by my tears. “Mommy? Why are you sad?” After reassuring them, I explained, “Mommy is crying happy tears…” It was a moment of profound relief for me and a step toward securing a healthier future for my girls.
In conclusion, taking the BRCA test was not just about me; it was a decision made in love for my daughters. For anyone navigating similar fears, it’s important to seek information and support. For those exploring family planning, resources like this guide on intrauterine insemination can be invaluable. Additionally, if you’re interested in at-home options, check out this post on artificial insemination kits or consider this baby-making kit for guidance.
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