Seven years ago, I made a decision that I now question. As I converse with friends who are contemplating parenthood later in life, I urge them to retain their jobs after their babies arrive and to avoid impulsively resigning from their full-time positions.
My choice was made too quickly. I adored my job at a publishing firm where I had supportive colleagues and engaging responsibilities. In the years leading up to my first child’s arrival, my career was thriving. When my company merged with a larger organization, I anticipated even more growth—better benefits, raises, and travel opportunities. I envisioned a long future with that company and never considered leaving after the birth of my child.
My journey into motherhood began just a year after my marriage at the age of 32, and things moved swiftly from there. We married, settled in New York City, and within weeks, I was pregnant. Soon after, we relocated to the suburbs, and my baby arrived shortly thereafter. I took a few months of maternity leave, during which my office moved further away to an area closer to our new home. Everything changed almost overnight.
Suddenly, I was faced with a lengthy commute, the stress of juggling work and family life, and the emotional turmoil of sharing caregiving responsibilities with a babysitter. The struggle to balance my professional and personal worlds was overwhelming.
When I returned to work, I was allowed a flexible schedule—three days in the office and two at home. While this transition was beneficial, I constantly worried about missing precious moments in my daughter’s growth. She began to walk without me, and I felt a pang of jealousy when she referred to the babysitter as “mommy.”
My health declined as I battled endless sinus infections, exacerbated by sleepless nights with a newborn and the pressures of working. The day I resigned from my job was not unexpected; however, leaving on good terms didn’t lessen my regret. For the first six months post-resignation, I continued to work part-time for my previous employer, which helped me cope with the loss of my professional identity.
After a second pregnancy, life at home became chaotic. With two children just 19 months apart, I quickly recognized that being a stay-at-home mom wasn’t my calling, and I fell into a deep depression. During a summer trip to England, I met women with fulfilling part-time careers, and I returned home determined to find a similar path. Thanks to a contact from my previous job, I landed a part-time position in publishing, which eventually evolved into a consulting career. However, consulting lacks the stability I once cherished, leaving me feeling underqualified for the roles I truly desired.
While I appreciate having been present during my children’s formative years—attending ballet classes, school events, and piano recitals—I sometimes wonder how different things might have been if I had opted for a different path. Would my experience have been less fraught with self-doubt and jealousy if I had hired a different babysitter? What if I had given my career more time?
Admittedly, I have never enjoyed playground outings or the daily duties of school drop-offs and pick-ups. I’ve struggled to connect with other mothers, often feeling out of place. The truth is, I don’t thrive in the stay-at-home mom role, a realization I wish I had understood before making my drastic choice.
Balancing a full-time job with motherhood is undoubtedly challenging, but I find fulfillment in working and earning my own income. I’ve noticed that my children engage better with caregivers who bring fresh energy into their lives. Thus, I encourage new mothers contemplating leaving their full-time jobs to think carefully. If you can secure part-time work that aligns with your career aspirations, consider it, but prioritize your options. Life balance is paramount. If you love your pre-baby job, try to maintain it. Your commitment will foster respect from your employer, making it easier to manage family obligations when they arise.
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In summary, my experience has taught me the importance of recognizing one’s true calling. Maintaining a career while nurturing a family can lead to greater satisfaction for both mothers and children.
Keyphrase: Regret Leaving Job for Motherhood
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