As the final chapter in a series detailing the journey of a stay-at-home parent witnessing her youngest child’s senior year of high school and the college admission process, this piece delves into the emotional landscape of transition. It also explores the parent’s own path towards an empty nest and the contemplation of future endeavors with the conclusion of her role at home.
Transitioning to college involves more than just submission of applications, securing recommendations, and compiling standardized test scores. It encompasses significant emotional labor for both the parent and the child—the crucial task of separation. Regardless of the current dynamic between you and your teen, be it harmonious, occasionally tense, or a close friendship, the reality is that both of you must prepare to part ways, whether you embrace it or not.
Recently, the reality of separation has weighed heavily on my mind as I prepare for this change with my younger daughter. My experience with my older daughter was notably different; she has always been fiercely independent, eager to attend sleepaway camp at age nine and spending her junior year abroad. When she chose a college five and a half hours away, I felt reassured. Since then, she has visited home only occasionally, and our relationship remains strong, characterized by regular communication, albeit with her making decisions independently and informing me later.
However, the process of separation with my younger daughter feels more complex and significant. From her late arrival into the world to her reluctance to embrace independence, she has always relied on me for support and guidance. As she begins her senior year, I find myself reflecting on our communication patterns. Typically, I receive multiple texts from her throughout the day, but recently, there was a day without any contact at all.
Resisting the urge to reach out was challenging; I was eager to know how her day unfolded, how she was adjusting to her classes and teachers, and whether she had made any decisions regarding her future. However, I recognize that this silence is part of the necessary process of separation. A day free from communication signifies growth for her and is a positive indicator of her impending independence. If she is to become the confident, capable adult I envision her to be, she must learn to navigate her world without constant reassurance from me.
As vital as the college applications and standardized tests are, it is equally important to engage in the process of separation. This practice will serve as preparation for the next chapter of both our lives—the part that ultimately matters most.
In conclusion, while preparing for college involves various logistical steps, the emotional journey of separation plays a critical role in fostering independence and maturity in our children. Embrace this phase as a necessary and significant part of the transition.
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