Last weekend, I found myself in a whirlwind of activity, attempting to balance mowing the lawn, showering, vacuuming, and prepping for a gathering. In the midst of this, my 9-year-old son asked me to make him a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. “Why don’t you try making it yourself?” I suggested. “But Mom,” he insisted, “I really want you to do it.”
It’s understandable; we all appreciate a hand-prepared sandwich. Yet, he needs the opportunity to develop his skills. A few years ago, I was taken aback to learn that my two older children, then 9 and 7, did not know how to butter toast. Surprising, right? I pride myself on encouraging independence in my children; they handle their homework, organize their belongings, and generally strive to be self-sufficient. Except for mastering a basic task—spreading butter—that many could do instinctively.
This desire to help is crucial. For instance, I said, “Let’s get you started. I’m here if you need assistance.” While I continued tidying the kitchen, he whined, “But I don’t know how.” I was sure he did, but I took a deep breath and asked, “What do you think the first step might be?” I’ll spare you the details of the following ten minutes, but it began with a bright child, who has witnessed countless grilled cheese preparations, claiming he had no idea how to start. He couldn’t even venture a guess, as if retrieving bread and cheese from the refrigerator was beyond him.
I admit, patience is not my strong suit, and this was becoming exasperating. Teaching children to cook is rewarding once they grasp the concepts, but the process can be frustrating. It’s amusing when toddlers “help” in the kitchen by overloading cookies with sprinkles, and you capture that heartwarming moment for social media. However, it becomes less charming when they grow into capable individuals who suddenly feign helplessness, especially when we realize we might have contributed to their dependency.
Now that my children are 7, 9, and 11, the dynamics in the kitchen have shifted. Despite the earlier grilled cheese debacle, they usually jump in to help out. After the Great Butter-Spreading Incident of 2015, we’ve been intentionally focusing on honing kitchen skills—using the stove, handling knives, measuring ingredients, and so forth. One child once mistook “one cup of water” for “fill a tall glass and pour it all in,” resulting in a rather soggy oatmeal disaster. Another child attempted to mix banana muffin batter in a tiny bowl, leading to a volcanic overflow of mixture. Carrots have been peeled down to mere slivers due to overly enthusiastic peeling.
While it’s not a flawless process, my children are genuinely learning through this trial-and-error method, and the pride they feel in their accomplishments is a wonderful sight. My 7-year-old eagerly volunteers to prepare chicken by flouring, egg-dipping, and breading it, while my 11-year-old is gearing up for a project involving steaming mussels—our first time learning this together. The 9-year-old who once struggled with grilled cheese has now mastered the art of making delicious cheesy scrambled eggs.
There are certainly days when I prefer to take charge in the kitchen, and I completely understand when they express reluctance to cook. Sometimes, preparing dinner alone with a drink and a podcast is just more convenient. However, more frequently, they are stepping up to contribute and learn, and I appreciate the experience, despite the messiness. Ultimately, isn’t that what family life is all about? Just like cooking, it’s a mixture of mistakes, imperfect individuals navigating through life together.
This morning, for instance, I enjoyed cinnamon raisin French toast prepared collaboratively by my 7- and 9-year-olds while I read at the kitchen table. It was delightful in every sense.
In summary, involving tweens in cooking can seem chaotic at times, but it fosters independence and life skills. The process may be messy, but the benefits of shared experiences and learning outweigh the challenges.
Keyphrase: cooking with tweens
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