Growing up, I often heard the saying, “it takes a village.” As a child, I understood this to mean that my neighbors and friends’ parents had a role in holding me accountable when I misbehaved. However, my husband recently shed new light on this age-old wisdom, providing a lesson that has stayed with our family.
My husband, a tall and commanding figure, was raised in the inner city by a determined single mother who made it her mission to instill strong values in him during his formative years. She worked tirelessly to ensure he didn’t become just another statistic of his environment, nurturing his character with both love and discipline. As an adult, he naturally commands respect, which can sometimes come off as intimidating to others.
About a year ago, we relocated to a townhouse adjacent to a neighborhood park. From our backyard, which is enclosed by a chain-link fence, we have a direct view of the park. Shortly after moving in, I noticed a group of boys, typically aged 8 to 12, who frequently hung out there. To my dismay, I often heard them using foul language. One afternoon, I couldn’t take it anymore when one boy made an inappropriate comment, so I shouted for them to cease or leave. My plea was met with eye rolls and laughter as I ushered my children inside.
Fast forward to spring; the boys returned to the park just as my family was preparing for my daughter’s birthday celebration. When my oldest daughter and her friends went to play, the boys approached our fence to return a Nerf bow and arrow that my daughter had accidentally left behind. My husband asked them to wait while he went inside for a moment.
When he emerged, the boys looked a bit apprehensive. His strong voice and serious demeanor can be quite imposing, even when he’s being friendly. Seizing the opportunity, he introduced himself as Mr. Johnson and commended them for their honesty in returning the toy rather than keeping it. He encouraged them to share a bag of candy he had brought along, which they eagerly accepted.
Then, he shared a piece of wisdom: “I was once a kid too. I understand the temptation to use bad language and test boundaries. However, when you see my family and my daughters around, I expect you to show respect and refrain from speaking inappropriately.” To my surprise, the boys nodded in agreement, responding with “Yes sir” and “Okay, Mr. Johnson.”
Later that same day, while my husband was at work, I heard a knock at the door. The same group of boys stood there, proudly holding one of my daughter’s arrows that had gotten stuck in a tree. They had spent hours trying to retrieve it and wanted me to inform Mr. Johnson of their good deed. Their joy was palpable, and I wondered if such kindness would have emerged had my husband not shared his thoughtful message with them.
It’s easy to scold children for their missteps, but how effective is yelling in the long run? By treating these boys with respect and recognizing their positive actions, my husband created a teachable moment that may leave a lasting impression. This is the essence of how a village can nurture respectful, kind, and considerate children.
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In summary, the proverb “it takes a village” embodies the importance of community in raising children. By fostering respect and encouraging positive behavior, we can create a nurturing environment that benefits everyone involved.