When I was twelve, I made the questionable decision to give myself bangs. It wasn’t as chic as it sounds, and I wouldn’t recommend it. Luckily, it was the ’80s, and with a blow dryer and an excessive amount of hairspray, I was able to fit right in.
Fast forward to when I was sixteen; some mysterious allergen decided to give me an unexpectedly swollen lip at the most inconvenient moments. It would puff up and turn purple while I was talking, making conversations a challenge. My mom and I were baffled, but thankfully, after a few months, the reaction just vanished.
During my college years, I made the brilliant choice to pluck most of my eyebrows, convinced they were too dark and thick. This left my round face looking even rounder, and my eyes appeared as mere slits. Fortunately, they eventually grew back.
Am I grateful that no friend has dug through the archives to post a picture of me with my lip resembling a balloon? Absolutely. Am I relieved that Facebook wasn’t a thing back then to broadcast my less-than-flattering moments? You can bet on it. Wouldn’t you feel the same?
So why are we subjecting our children to this?
There’s a meme circulating on social media that echoes the sentiment: if you grew up in the ’80s or earlier, aren’t you glad your embarrassing moments weren’t posted online? As a mother of two young children, I find myself asking: don’t my kids deserve that same level of respect and privacy?
Initially, when my son was born, I eagerly shared every milestone on Facebook—his first bath, those adorable moments when he was sleeping, and even the time he wore a tie-dye onesie. As he grew, I posted videos of him crawling, his playful antics with his stuffed animals, and his first spaghetti dinner.
I wanted to celebrate my journey into motherhood with the world. But I soon realized I wasn’t alone in this sharing frenzy. Scroll through your newsfeed, and you’ll likely see countless pictures of friends’ children—napping, at the dentist, or recovering from a cold. Facebook has become a platform for keeping family and friends updated, showcasing accomplishments, and seeking support during tough times. In this process, we expose private moments of our little ones, chronicling their lives for all to see.
When my daughter arrived two and a half years later, I posted her birth announcement and a newborn photo, but gradually, I found myself hesitant to share her moments online. This shift surprised me. Was it because I felt more protective this time around? Was it due to her being a girl? If so, shouldn’t I afford my son the same consideration?
What if my sharing, with all its good intentions, meant giving away their childhoods?
I have friends who are on both ends of the spectrum regarding this issue. Some have never shared their children’s names online and have made it clear they don’t want any photos of their kids posted by others. Conversely, many friends post updates about every doctor’s visit, field trip, and even meltdowns. Navigating between these two extremes has taught me valuable lessons about being a responsible steward of my children’s online presence.
In today’s world of information saturation, the issues surrounding dignity and agency are paramount. My husband and I want our children to grow into self-sufficient individuals who feel they have control over their own narratives. It’s akin to why we don’t force them to hug relatives or continue roughhousing when they express discomfort. So why do we feel entitled to share their personal information and privacy online?
Consider a child who is recovering from an asthma attack or one who enjoys playing dress-up in his sister’s clothes. When I share these vulnerable moments on social media, they cease to be just our memories; they become part of the digital landscape. I lose control over who sees them, how they’re interpreted, and for what purposes they are used.
Take, for instance, the time my newborn was readmitted to the hospital due to severe weight loss. I felt the urge to post about it to garner support, but it didn’t seem right. It was about his privacy and dignity. That photo of my son covered in hives? Sharing it might earn him sympathy now, but when he’s older, he may not appreciate others having access to such an intimate moment. And that cute snapshot of him and his sister in the bath? Adorable, but definitely not going online.
How would my child feel if she met someone who knows personal details about her life simply because I shared them online?
I recognize the importance of keeping family and friends updated about our kids, especially since many live far away. A part of me wants to share those cute photos of my daughter’s silly expressions or my son playing tea. Yet, I also acknowledge that Facebook has created support networks we wouldn’t have otherwise.
It’s a constant balancing act between fostering community and oversharing. Before I hit ‘post,’ I ask myself: will my child appreciate this moment preserved forever in digital form? Will this embarrass him in the future? Is there a more private way to share these updates? Despite its issues, Facebook isn’t going away anytime soon, and if not that platform, another will inevitably arise, asking us to compromise our children’s dignity for the sake of sharing.
Our kids are growing up in a digital world, and we are the ones shaping that experience.
These days, I seek simplicity. I remember when sharing photos meant using private albums and phone calls to update friends about significant events. I now realize I’ve been too quick to share precious memories, trading meaningful communication for casual updates that often result in fleeting reactions rather than genuine support.
When my son was born, I shared his every moment online. I hope one day he can forgive my eagerness.
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Summary:
In an age where social media dominates, this article explores the evolving perspective of sharing children’s lives online. The author reflects on personal experiences and the importance of safeguarding their children’s dignity and privacy in a world where every moment can be broadcast. By weighing the pros and cons of sharing, parents can find a balance between community engagement and responsible stewardship of their children’s online presence.