As I approached 41 weeks of pregnancy, I found myself in the doctor’s office for a membrane stripping procedure (and let me tell you, it was nothing short of excruciating). The doctor scheduled an induction a few days later after confirming that everything appeared normal in the ultrasound and non-stress test. As I left the office with my partner, the first pangs of labor hit me. I labored through the night and eventually made my way to the hospital around midnight when my contractions were five minutes apart.
Upon arrival, I was 4 cm dilated, and shortly after, my water broke. My “birth plan” was straightforward: receive an epidural and deliver vaginally. Having read countless detailed birth plans that often went awry during labor, I decided to keep mine uncomplicated.
With my water broken, the doctor opted against frequent checks to limit any risk of introducing bacteria. I spent the time focusing on my breathing and waiting for the moment to push, but that moment never arrived. Initially, I thought, “This is great—no pain, just smooth sailing.” But things seldom go as planned. The nurse kept returning to adjust the fetal monitor, stating, “We’re just having difficulty getting readings.” After several changes in position, I sensed something was amiss. I repeatedly asked, “Is everything okay with my baby?” My partner and the nurse reassured me, but I was filled with doubt.
Time passed, and at 7:00 a.m., the doctor returned to assess the situation. After checking my cervix, she informed me that I was about 7 cm dilated. However, she indicated they were struggling with heart rate monitoring and suggested an internal fetal heart rate monitor be placed directly onto my baby’s head. Alarm bells went off in my mind.
The doctor informed me that my daughter’s head was being pinched by contractions, causing her heart rate to drop. My heart sank—my baby was in distress. The words I dreaded to hear followed: I needed a C-section. I burst into tears, fought against it, and ultimately surrendered.
I realized this was necessary for my baby’s health, to ensure her safe arrival into the world. Within moments, the medical team was prepped, and I was wheeled into the operating room. I had never anticipated needing a C-section; I was determined that my birth would go according to plan. “Everything will be fine,” I had convinced myself. I would dismiss conversations about elective C-sections as unnecessary; I was committed to my original plan of a drugged vaginal delivery.
Regrettably, my two-step birth plan never came to fruition. In that moment, I felt like I had failed—failed as a planner, as a woman, as a mother. I believed that women’s bodies were designed for childbirth, and I felt betrayed by my own when I needed it most. I sobbed, selfishly thinking I had let my daughter down. She wouldn’t receive all the benefits of a vaginal delivery—no immediate skin-to-skin contact, no delayed cord clamping, and no chance to hold her right away.
I felt like a failure not because I couldn’t deliver vaginally, but because I allowed myself to believe that the method of her arrival mattered more than her health. I thought taking the “easy way out” made me less of a woman, less of a mother. I felt like a mere spectator in my baby’s birth instead of the driver of the experience. However, let me clarify: C-sections are not the easy option. There’s nothing easy about pregnancy, labor, or delivery.
Regardless of how your child enters the world, your role is undeniably important. You nurtured that baby (with a little help from the sperm, of course), ensured your body provided a safe environment, and without you, this child wouldn’t exist. So, give yourself a pat on the back, mama—you did it.
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Summary
The journey of childbirth often comes with unexpected turns. In a personal reflection, Jenna Thompson shares her experience transitioning from a planned vaginal delivery to an emergency C-section, confronting feelings of inadequacy. Ultimately, she recognizes that the method of delivery does not define a mother’s worth, emphasizing the importance of her role in bringing life into the world.