There are moments when I seriously consider walking away. I think about how easy it would be to abandon the stability, the shared memories, and the bond that has taken two decades to build. Sometimes, I find myself wanting to leave the man who can be overly irritable, who doesn’t always share my perspective, or who occasionally forgets to put the toilet seat down. I yearn for a life that’s uncomplicated, free from conflict and the responsibilities that come with partnership.
Marriage can be incredibly challenging, often so tough that it’s hard to envision a way through. The woman you see smiling in the photo isn’t the same person I was at 22. I’ve grown more resilient yet also a bit jaded, often feeling worn down by life’s trials. While I have developed a deeper compassion for those in distress because I know pain all too well, I sometimes struggle to extend that same kindness to my closest loved ones. I often prioritize others’ needs over my own, as many mothers do, yet there are times when I feel frustrated by this expectation. I love deeply and passionately, but I can’t help but wonder if my love is enough.
When I think about giving up, I hesitate. The faces of my three children staring at me during family dinners play a significant role in my decision to stay. The thought of facing life without a partner is daunting. The logistics of untangling our intertwined lives feel overwhelming.
It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve witnessed a marriage fall apart. I’ve seen couples drift apart due to heartbreak, infidelity, or simply growing in different directions.
So, in those moments when I feel like throwing in the towel, I take a good, hard look at our photographs. I notice the laugh lines that tell stories of joy and shared laughter. Each smile captured reminds me of the challenges we’ve faced together—miscarriages, fertility struggles, and losses that have tested our bond. I recall how holding his hand used to take my breath away; that feeling is still alive, even if it’s less frequent.
When I gaze into his eyes, I still see the man who epitomizes decency in my life.
Sometimes, marriage is a tough journey, perhaps harder than it ought to be. It may seem logical or even right to give up at times, but not today. I recognize that I’m in a challenging season of marriage, yet within our shared life and memories, there are always new reasons to rediscover my love for him.
In those moments of doubt, I remind myself that “joy cometh in the morning,” a mantra that I hope will always ring true for us.
For anyone navigating similar challenges, consider exploring resources like Make a Mom’s guide on fertility journeys or March of Dimes’ insights on fertility treatments. They can provide valuable support during tough times.
Ultimately, marriage is a complex journey, filled with ups and downs. While I occasionally contemplate giving up, I find that my commitment to my family and the shared love we’ve built always pulls me back.