You spot her in the corner. Her children are loud, squabbling, and demanding. They’re simply being little ones. Her patience is as thin as the plastic covering she tears off her frozen meal before placing it into the microwave. She’s been on duty all day — in fact, it’s been a whole week without a moment of reprieve since her partner is away on business, leaving her to manage everything alone.
That’s all fine and good because bills must be paid, but wow, she looks drained. Exhausted, really. It seems like she’s using every bit of strength she has left not to lose her cool right there in public. Defeat is evident in her gaze, and it tugs at your heartstrings. You sense she’s on the verge of giving up. Right now, she may feel like motherhood is an unending series of struggles she never anticipated. But you know (because you’ve been there), that the fine print on the motherhood contract reads “lifetime commitment.” And this contract doesn’t allow for quitting.
You observe her, and it all resonates because you’ve experienced it too. You recall the countless instances when you wanted to throw your hands up in frustration or surrender entirely, longing to escape to a distant place, far away from the chaos. But your only choice was to feign a need for the restroom, just to close the door on all the demands pulling at you from every direction.
You remember the moments when you felt like waving the white flag: messes on the walls, sticky floors, midnight bedwetting, and sharp Legos underfoot. All the crying, squabbling, bathing, and feeding. You wanted to give up because maintaining composure felt impossible. It was overwhelming for one person. Perhaps you just wished for your former life back, the one where you were a writer. You traded that in for a life of cleaning and giving.
Glancing back at her, you recall the days you felt utterly depleted by giving — giving to everyone except yourself. You smile at the memory of envisioning yourself riding off into the sunset on a beautiful horse.
But when you look deeper into her weary eyes, you see the genuine love, and it brings a sense of relief. She’s halfway there. She adores those little beings clinging to her, full of energy. You know she would sacrifice anything for them. This part of her journey, where she gives until it feels like her spirit is fraying, is just the beginning of her motherhood experience.
Soon, her children will stretch her in ways she never imagined: driving them around, spending on their whims, answering their questions, providing comfort, and eventually watching them leave the nest. She will find herself missing even the chaotic days filled with exhaustion.
You remember the precise moment it dawned on you why you needed to be the giver. It was one morning when you awoke to a tiny hand on your cheek and a gentle whisper in your ear. A little one was tenderly pushing your hair aside, coaxing you to wake up to be with her. All she needed was your presence, your love. She craved to hear your voice and to snuggle close, feeling safe next to your heartbeat.
In that moment, she carried the sweet scent of pancakes and innocent dreams. The unconditional love you experienced then washed away many of the negative feelings you had surrounding motherhood. It was moments like these that transformed your resentment into a deeper understanding of your role as a nurturer.
You smile peacefully, hoping that the mother you’ve been observing, the one on the edge of a silent breakdown, will have her moments of clarity. Moments that allow her to view herself through her child’s eyes, pushing her towards a more fulfilling experience of motherhood. Because, let’s be clear, a mother isn’t made at the time of birth; it takes a lifetime of selfless moments. And being a giver is not a role for those who intend to quit.
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