“Hey, Sarah! Long time no see! How’s everything been with you?”
“Whoa, hold on there! Sunscreen first!”
“Sorry! I can’t believe how long it’s been since we last caught up. How are the kids doing?”
“Seriously? Stay still! I don’t want to get sunscreen in your eyes!”
“Did they enjoy their school year?”
“Stop! No running! You can’t go near the baby pool without a floatie!”
“Oh right, what was I saying? Yes, the school year. Was it a good one?”
“No snacks yet! We just got here!”
“That’s awesome! Glad to hear everything’s going well….”
“I don’t care if you’re hungry! You just had lunch. Now go swim!”
“Sorry again. It’s great to hear about you guys. Do you have any plans for…”
“Wait! One…two…three…okay, I’ve got all the kids counted. Phew! What are your summer plans?”
“Stop splashing your sibling! He doesn’t like that, and trust me, no one wants to hear him cry!”
“Summer plans! Are you going anywhere special?”
“No! I said no snacks! If you ask again, you won’t get any. Now swim!”
“The beach sounds fantastic! We’re planning to go to…”
“Ugh! I forgot sunscreen on the baby. Hold on a second!”
“Sorry, little one. I know you hate this, but it’s for your own good.”
“Okay, back to your water bucket! So, we’re planning on beach time at the…”
“Great, I can’t believe it! He just pooped!”
“Why couldn’t you have waited ten minutes? Everyone out of the pool! Into the locker room—now! Do you want a snack later? That’s what I thought. March!”
“(Deep breath) Let’s try this again. Does anyone need to use the bathroom before we jump back in?”
“No? Good!”
“Ah, the beach. Sounds so—”
“One, two…three…ah, relaxing. Do you think we’ll ever be those moms who can just lay back and sunbathe?”
“OH NO! Don’t squirt the lifeguard again! Apologize right now!”
“Will we ever get a moment to read a magazine? I’m not seeing that happening anytime soon.”
“Oh no! Baby down! (screaming) It’s fine, buddy; just a little water!”
“Yeah, sunbathing seems like a distant dream with these wild kiddos.”
“Seriously? You squirted the lifeguard again? Time out! Get in that chair!”
“My kids are totally wild. Why do you look so calm? Is it just me?”
“Where did number two go again? Oh no! I see one and three, but where’s two?”
“Phew! There you are! Why were you at the snack bar again? No snacks now, got it?”
“Seriously, why do you look so composed? Am I the only one over here feeling all…”
“Back in time out, young man!”
“Neurotic! I could really go for a…”
“Alright, fine! You can come out of time out, but behave!”
“What was I saying? Oh yes, a drink would be nice…”
“Ten minutes! You’ll get your snack in ten minutes.”
“Ugh, maybe I’ll just skip the drink and go for a shot instead.”
“No, ice cream isn’t a snack! A snack is chips or pretzels.”
“Oh, and to think people assume we just lounge by the pool…”
“Because I said so!”
“Don’t you think people see us relaxing here for hours?”
“Has anyone seen Jane? Oh no! You scared away my friend! Why can’t you just play nicely without the drama?”
“Is that too much to ask?”
“But fear not, fellow neurotic moms; we can dream about it sometimes! Check out our other blog post on home insemination kits here for some tips on getting ready for the next phase of parenthood. And for more resources, visit this excellent guide on pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re interested in taking the next step in family planning, explore this authority on the topic as well.”
Summary:
In this humorous look at poolside parenting, Emma shares her chaotic day at the pool with her friend Sarah. Amidst the flurry of applying sunscreen, managing snacks, and keeping track of the kids, the conversation highlights the challenges of motherhood. Emma dreams of a moment of relaxation, while the reality of parenting proves to be anything but calm.
Keyphrase: poolside parenting chaos
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]